The end is the new beginning...

I can't believe the year is coming to an end. We've had trials and blessings this year. More of either than I can count. I thought about looking back on the year and reflecting but some of those memories are heartbreaking, gut wrenching and discouraging. Some are joy-filled and laugh inducing. I hold the good and the bad in my heart. There is no need to parade them out and relive each moment.

It is, in short, time to move on.

The new year is always a good time to start fresh. I love this time of year. The slate is clean and there is nothing ahead but possibilities. I'd be crazy to think that the year will be perfect and will fall into my plans while going along without a hitch. There will be trials, tears, blessings and laughter in the coming year. My hope is simply that there are more good times than bad and that our family holds together and remains close and loving.

I have specific hopes and goals for the year. Everyone does. I thought about putting them all down and holding myself accountable. However, I don't need that kind of pressure. I don't need to look back in 8 or 9 months and realize I didn't accomplish anything. However, there are a few directions I'd like to prod myself in.

I want to move on. To embrace my new home here in Indiana. To stop looking back, comparing this place we're in to where we've come from.

I want to be much more organized around the house. With school, menus, planning, and tackle one space at a time.

I want my husband and I to stop waiting for our life to happen. To get out there and pursue our dreams. We've stopped dreaming. Granted, our dreams have been knocked around a bit this year. OK, they've been stomped on, tossed around and run over by a truck. But, they are still out there somewhere. I don't want to sit around, though, waiting for those dreams to happen. I want to live our life right now. Out loud. Grab moments of joy and hold them close.

And of course there are all the usual things. Be a better wife and mother, eat better, exercise more...etc...

It's a year full of goals. Always the mystery of how the year will unfold. Where we'll be, what we'll do. It's an exciting time of year. As for me, I'm going to start small. I'm getting a new cut and style. Getting it all cut off. Might as well start the new year off with a change!

Wrapping up the Holiday!

It has been a busy and wonderful couple of weeks around here. My house is in complete disarray. It is clearly not big enough for 7 people and two dogs. Not to mention my son got enough presents to fill the house on his own.

My beef tenderloin was wonderful! I was so very thankful that I didn't ruin it. Next time, I'll add a little more herbs and spices to the "crust" when I sear it for more flavor. Otherwise, it was cooked perfectly and could be cut with a fork. Yay me! It should be noted that the turkey received rave reviews as well. Very tender and moist.

Christmas at someone else house could have real advantages. We may just travel for Christmas next year. I've never seen so much trash and boxes or washed so many dishes. I'm not sure I spent 5 minutes out of the kitchen the entire week. There was always someone to feed or tea to make or the coffee pot was running low. Caffeine was my friend!

I will NEVER and I mean NEVER again go on vacation the week before Christmas. At least not if I am then expecting a house full of company. I have never been so tired, disorganized and running behind for Christmas before.

It's back to reality for us today. J. left for work on time this morning with plans to put in a full day. We're still on break from school, though. I've got to shovel my way through the house and find a place for everything. Also I have a mountain of sheets, blankets and towels to wash. I'm probably going to start taking down decorations tomorrow. We've been decorated for a long time. Plus, we need a little extra ROOM around here.

We plan on spending the nice long New Year's Weekend hanging around under throw blankets and watching movies. I'm going to make some of our favorite snacks. We'll probably play with some of our new games and just enjoy being home. So, that means I've got to get the work done around here.

I hope that you had a WONDERFUL Christmas.

It was fabulous...

We're back from our wonderful fun-filled, WARM vacation. It was amazing. AMAZING. I could turn around a go back right now. We came home to 1 degree temperatures. That's an 80 degree temperature difference.

Anyway, I'm buried in laundry and Christmas preparations. I'll be egg nogging, cookie making, present wrapping and enjoying my own hearth and home.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Back Soon!

Down with unexpected computer problems! I'll be back after Disney World.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Enough with the WalMart Bashing

Anyone but me get aggravated at all the WalMart bashing?

We shop there. A lot. When we lived in WV it was our ONLY option in our small town aside from an overpriced grocery store. I always thought that if we moved, and I had another option, I wouldn't shop there anymore. EVERYONE loves to tell you how awful WalMart is. How terrible they treat their employees. And about the little children working in sweatshops to make this lovely turtleneck for us spoiled Americans. So, I thought I would stand on a higher moral ground if we ever moved where there were more options.

People LOVE to talk about all the OTHER people that shop at WalMart. How they have rat tails and mullets, drive around in scooters, smell, drool, and pick their nose. I always kind of wonder how people know this stuff if they don't shop at WalMart and if they do shop at WalMart if they wonder what other people are saying about them when they get back home. It is an interesting quandary.

So, here I am. A stone's throw from Meijer, SuperTarget, Marsh, Kroger, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Aldi's and various small markets. I have tried them all. Do you want to know where we shop? We drive OUT OF OUR WAY, to shop at the WalMart.

I have shopped every single one of the above stores. They are, in a word, EXPENSIVE!

SuperTarget, Whole Foods, Marsh and Kroger would require a loan to buy two weeks of groceries. Super Target has lots of cute little tins for their spices, LOTS of convenience foods and a teeny tiny meat department. I cook from scratch. I bake. Super Target does NOT fit that. Whole Foods is neat. People around here call it Whole Paycheck. The cashiers stone you if you don't bring reusable bags and they glare at you for using deodorant. Marsh and Kroger are OK on sale stuff but they make their money up charging twice as much for other staples. Trader Joe's is a whole lot of fun. We love going there and buying a couple snacks and some funky cheeses. It's mostly imported items. Kind of fun for a party or a snack night but I can't imagine buying two weeks worth of that stuff. They have some fun simmering sauces but seriously, I could make the same thing for a WHOLE lot less.

Meijer is a bit more competitive. However, in a price to price direct comparison, they lose. And I can't see spending my husband's hard earned money unnecessarily. Why? Why would I pay more for the same product? It is like throwing money in the toilet. So what? So I can say, "I don't shop at WalMart." So I can laugh at the people that do?

I hate to tell you WalMart bashers this, I've seen mullets, nose pickers, smelly scooter riders and lousy customer service at SuperTarget, Meijer, Marsh, Kroger, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods (admittedly it was the cashier who was smelly...deodorant isn't "green") and Aldi's. Have you ever tried to return anything to Target. My Word! Why don't they just fingerprint us and be done with it.

Frankly, times are tough for a lot of people. Anything that takes the sting out of that is welcome in my book. We're doing a lot better than we have in a long time. That doesn't mean, though, that I am comfortable spending more for the same stuff. And I do see the moral dilemma of doing business with a company when you are not comfortable with their practices. I really do. I applaud you. I can't really afford to shop on my principles at the moment, but if you can, that is great.

HOWEVER, please leave your "moral superiority" at the door. Please stop telling me how awful WalMart is. Please stop making fun of the people that shop there. Because if you don't, and you are complaining about how you can't afford to go on vacation, how it "must be nice" to afford to go to Disney every couple of years or the beach or camping, cabins and weekenders, I'm going to tell you how exactly, we afford those things. It's called a budget. And shopping smarter. That bag of sugar you were complaining costing you $3 was $1.87 at my WalMart. Oh, those $1.99 eggs? $.88 for me. Your $3.59 milk? I paid $2.49.

And I will gladly defer to my "couponing", sale shopping friends. They will hit 3 or 4 stores in a day and get the best deals on everything. I applaud them their diligence! They will save more money than me for sure! I choose not to spend that kind of time nor do I have that level of commitment. I would if I had to, though. I certainly don't put them down or make fun of their system for shopping and the places they chose to do business. You go girls!

You'll find me every other week at WalMart. I'll be in line behind the scooter-lady who is buying cigarettes from the guy in the mullet. These are my people.

A change of heart...

So, I spent last night thinking about what I wrote yesterday and I realized something. The truth is, I LIKE the stuff we have. And that the stuff itself isn't what makes me happy. However, all that stuff, brings my family together. A lot. We have times where we play the Wii together and laugh and give each other a hard time. We watch family movies on our big TV. J. and I snuggle up on the couch for "date night" and watch movies together. And the usefulness of the GPS is without question.

Yes, my boy will get way too much stuff for Christmas. But, he's a wonderful child. He's loving and thankful and so well behaved. A few extra gifts from people that love and miss him won't change that. And it brings them untold joy. My Aunt and Uncle lost their oldest son the year I got married. They absolutely adore Nicholas. They have a lot of hard times in their lives. Things I can't even begin to understand. If they want to buy my boy something extra special because "he's such a special kid." I will not deny that.

The truth is, we haven't been able to splurge on things for a long time. Not since we were first married. My husband has been totally spoiling me the last month or so. And you know what? I kind of like it. I think he likes doing it. He gives me a hard time about all the things I've gotten BEFORE Christmas even. He works hard and I think it makes him happy to be able to buy more than the basics once in a while. We've gotten little else but the basics for years. And for years we only bought for the house. It helps that I'm one of those women who is thrilled with new pots and pans and furniture. I like sparkly jewelry as much as the next girl, though. We've been eating out too much, too. Again though, for years we had to wait for my Mom to invite us out so we could afford to go. And if we're splurging a little bit right now, I don't think it's TOO much of a bad thing.

We know that things have to slow down after Christmas. We'll be snuggling down and hibernating for the winter after New Years. At least we'll have a house full of stuff to keep us occupied! I'll have about 1000 Disney Pictures to sort through.

And come spring, you'll find us in our camper, no TV or computer. Just us, some fishing poles and some sturdy walking shoes. And we'll find the balance.

I'm tired.

Weary.

I'm so tired of the ads, giant televisions, gps units, video games. I'm burned out. We have each one of these things and they bring a lot of fun into our lives. Even this laptop which I treasure as my connection to the outside world and an invaluable homeschool tool. I panic at the thought of being without it. And yet, it is a leech of my time so many days.

Everyone is so greedy. There is SO MUCH STUFF to want. And I'm as guilty as the next person. I want a bigger house, nicer kitchen, big family room. I love sparkly jewelry and shiny electronics. I secretly covet designer purses even while I claim I could "never spend that much on a purse."

It's just that right now, I'm sick of it all. My son is getting SO MUCH STUFF for Christmas. It's like a child's dream on steriods. I know it's because we moved away. I know people miss us and WANT to buy him things to make up for it. It's bordering on overkill, though. How can he even appreciate the thoughtfull gifts we'll give him when he's surrounded by so many wrapped packages. I'm not even sure where it will all go.

And it leaves me wondering. If he gets everything he ever mentions in passing, what is left for him to want? What is left for him to work for? Will he ever see that not everyone gets everything they ever wanted. No, I don't want him disappointed but at the same time, I'm longing for a simple family holiday. Thoughtfull gifts bought from hard work. The sad thing is that I know half the STUFF will be broken in a month. Toys just aren't made that well anymore.

But I would not deny him this Christmas. I could NEVER suggest to my Mom that she not buy for him. It would KILL her. He is her hobby. I would never in a million years take that joy away from her or suggest she save that money for something else. I just couldn't do it. Maybe it makes me weak. I don't know. I just couldn't do that to her. She would be so hurt.

So, I'm left trying to figure out how to balance all this stuff in our lives. I'm left trying to figure out how to teach my son that simple is OK. I'm trying to teach him this while we're watching our big TV, driving around with our GPS and blogging on the laptop.

It's not that he even realizes he's spoiled. He's as grateful for a $1 Hot Wheel as he is for a Wii. But, therein lies part of the problem. He really has no concept of the difference in those things. However, he's a sweet boy. He's thankful for what he has and what he gets. It leaves me though, wondering what his Dad and I can give him that stands out. The only answer I have is time together. Instead of gifts in the coming year, I'm going to focus on time and experiences together. Once the toys are long broken and forgotten, those memories will last a life time.

I, however, am still tired of all the fancy electronics and the quest to own the biggest, newest and best of them all. I'm appalled that in the tough economic times we are facing that people are still buying things they can't afford. I'm disgusted with the big corporations looking for government handouts. I'm even aggravated with myself for all the things I want. Deep down though, all I really want is a quiet simple life. I want to step out on my porch on a silent morning and watch the deer stroll by. I want to watch a blanket of snow cover the woods around me. The unfortunate part is that if I were to step out on my porch early in the morning I would not see deer. Cars driving too fast and sirens ALL THE FREAKING TIME, yes. Deer...no.

If I have to live in and near the city, this is as good a place as any. Still my heart longs for quiet and stillness of the country.

I long for time outside strolling in the snowy woods with my family. For my son to foster that love of the outdoors. For him to learn that unplugging is not a bad thing. I have no solution to all the stuff we're all getting this Christmas. I don't even know how to NOT want it. All I know is that I will be grateful for the gifts even as we are once again buried under all the stuff in our lives. When the day comes I'll be joyful and happy. I'll love watching my boys face when he opens his gifts. It will be a wonderful day. And I'll hold out hope that the coming year will bring more balance to our lives.

Home to West Virginia?

We had a pretty good Thanksgiving in West Virginia. My Mom and I did a lot of shopping and Oh, the eating. I could live on water and air for a couple weeks and be happy for it. I know FOR SURE I don't want to eat out any time soon.

My little one got sick Thursday night and was throwing up for the rest of the weekend. He still went hunting, though! He would just get sick in the evenings. It seems to have finally run its course and he woke up this morning asking for pancakes. It is a good thing, he was very close to being dragged to doctor. He hadn't had anything to eat since Friday.

I was pretty sad when we left WV to come home. It was really hard. I had such a good time hanging out with everyone and seeing the mountains and just relaxing. The atmosphere is just so different. The people are much more, well, like us. Frankly, we ENJOY hanging out with "good ole country folk." It bothers me a lot around here when people act like we "escaped" the backwoods or something equally dire.

I read West Virginia Magazine while I was in. The focus of the issue was "Home for the Holidays...for Good." It was all about people who left WV for one reason or another and found a way to come home. It talked about family, the mountains, the parks and outdoors and all the wonderful parts of WV. It was totally lacking in all the reasons we CAN'T go home. I kept reading it and thinking, find us a job. A job that pays well and is secure and we'd be back in a minute. I was sad reading it and then angry. They made me want to come home. Something I've been fighting for over a year. And I've been doing it very well, thankyouverymuch.

I KNOW we can't go back. At least not yet. Professional jobs are scarce in WV. And when they are there, they don't pay very much. I went to the grocery store with my Mom and was SHOCKED at the prices. I had forgotten how expensive everything could be. Eggs were $.50 more a dozen, milk $1 more, and meat was crazy expensive. Why, in one of the poorest states in the nation, is everything so much more expensive? My husband says it has to do with the ability to get things into the state.

On the up side, it made me appreciate, a LOT the things we have here. Groceries are a lot less here. It really is nice not to have to drive 1/2 an hour just to get to a mall or restaurant. Takeout. Starbucks. And also, I really love our house and yard. It's flat!

We are happy here. When I pulled in the driveway and came in the house, I felt warm and welcome. I felt at home. I miss WV terribly and some day I really hope we can go back. I really do. I miss the mountains, people on 4-wheelers, cammo clothing, neighbors that actually talk to you, country roads, and my family. I don't miss the contaminated drinking water (seriously, they were studying our county to see how the C8 affected us), polluted rivers and the "shelter in place" calls from all the chemical plants. I don't miss the acid in the rain from the chemical plants eating the paint off the car. I don't miss the expensive groceries.

I'd like to go back to WV some day. Probably not back to Charleston and the sourrounding valley. Maybe Morgantown. I know it will be a while. Right now, I like that we can afford to go on vacation, buy a few extra groceries, and can get and do a few extra things during the year. My husband's job is thriving and he is thriving. He's not constantly being beaten down by lack of work and lack of funding. For now, this works for us. The sacrifice we'd have to make to go home is too great.

I do want to make more of an effort to get into WV to see family. I refuse to let a few hours get between all of us. My family LOVES our son to pieces. Aunts, uncles, cousins all adore him. And I've been letting a few hours of driving get in the way of that.

Now, if you happen to be from WV and are trying to get home, here's as good a place to start as any. It was in the magazine. Home To West Virginia.

As for us, we're planning a week-long camping trip to the WV mountains this summer, a cabin on the South Fork of the Potomac river in the Fall with a trip to Cass Railroad, and possibly a skiing trip to Snowshoe next winter. We're going to enjoy the best parts of WV without the sacrifice it would take to move back. For now.

He got one!!

We just got home about an hour ago. I have lots to report but didn't want to waste a minute until I told everyone that NICHOLAS GOT HIS FIRST DEER!!!

His PapPap took him hunting on Saturday. They called around 1:00 to say they got one. I was standing in Best Buy clapping my hands and cheering. I was in the video game section buying a Wii game that will go unnamed at this point.

If you aren't into the whole hunting thing, ignore this. My husband doesn't hunt but my whole family does. However, we were both very proud of our boy. He's only 7 so it was more of an assist but he's still beaming from ear to ear and telling stories.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm off to WV tomorrow. I'm running around today packing, washing clothes and leaving instructions for my husband. I'm forcing myself not to go ahead and pack his stuff. He's a grown man, you know. But, knowing him, he'll pull the first 3 clean shirts he sees out of the closet. Work shirts or not. Frankly, I enjoy seeing him dressed a little more casual. Maybe I'll just strategically place a sweater or two and a sweatshirt on top of his suitcase. It's nice to see him in something besides button-down dress shirts. He still makes my heart flutter in a pair of nice jeans and a blue shirt to match his eyes.

Anyway, the computer will be going in the shop while I'm gone. I'm just hoping she will be back about the same time I am. I still have a lot of planning to do for vacation and I'm not sure what I'll do without the computer. UGH!! So, I don't know when I'll be checking back in here after I leave tomorrow.

I hope all my friends, old and new, have a great week and enjoy the holidays and their families to the fullest. I know I will.

So, here's hoping your turkey is moist, your potatoes are creamy, your gravy is lump-less, and your Black Friday deals are good!
Happy Thanksgiving!!

Would you like a little Cheese with that Whine?

Okay, so I realized I was whining. And whining about going home which is crazy. I love to go back to WV and visit. I love leaving my stuff all over the room and not making my bed. I especially love this time of year because my Dad will be in the woods all week (opening of gun season in WV, you know) and that means, except for Thanksgiving Day, we'll eat out every night. There won't be room in Mom's fridge for non-Thanksgiving food. So, my Mom, myself and my boy eat out. And she will BUY. Hello! And it won't be "grab something at Bob Evans." She doesn't go out much because my Dad travels a lot so it will be GOOD restaurants. And my son? He'll want nothing to do with me at the restaurant. He'll want my Mom to handle the details. And she'll want to do it. And I'll eat in blessed peace.

I still have the issue with the kids Mom watches. However, I thought Tuesday N. and I would just go see a movie. We should probably go see "Bolt" before we go to Disney World anyway. A little Mother/Son time that doesn't include school lessons and me saying things like "pick up your Legos before I sweep them up with the vacuum." We can run some last minute errands for my Mom. That will break up the day with the kids there.

And I'm going to do some baking and candy making. That will keep me busy. I'll drink WAY too much coffee and be a giant ball of energy on Wednesday. Mom is not keeping kids and we're going to do all the T-Day prep. That will be my favorite part. The two of us in the kitchen getting it all together and watching QVC.

Plus, I'm glad to help out. I know if the situations were reversed she'd...we'll no she wouldn't. She'd likely laugh and tell me it was better me than her. I guess that is what Mom's are for.

All in all it will be a good week. I'll miss being home, I'll miss the husband but if I have the right attitude everything will be great. If I let myself thing about the fact that once we get back from Mom's I only have 12 days until we leave on Vacation, then I'll start panicking. So we won't talk about that right now.

Going home?

I'm going back to WV on Saturday and staying for the week. My husband will join us Wednesday night, late. I'm excited for the upcoming holiday but for some reason, I'm just not that excited about the visit. I wanted to go in early and help out my Mom. She's hosting the whole crowd this year and she's getting stressed out. And I do want to help her out. I love to cook for people. LOVE IT!

I'm just not looking forward to leaving home. I feel lost when I'm apart from my husband. I guess because we have moved so much, gained and lost so much and battled together that we're as close as can be. I feel sometimes like without him by my side, I don't function as well. And I know in part it is because we haven't ever really made any other friends. When we get the chance to do things with other people we tend to not do it. Preferring to hang out in our own little world with our own little family.

Also, my Mom babysits. So Monday and Tuesday she'll have 6 screaming, crying, snotty little ones running all over the house. Needless to say, my 7 year old will be more than a little aggravated. And I might as well admit this now, I'm not that crazy about other people's kids. There, I said it. You'll never find me teaching Sunday School or working in kid's programs. But, especially these kids my Mom babysits. Their parents drop them off at 6:30 in the morning, crying. And pick them up at 6:00 in the evening. They'll be playing fine, running, laughing and carrying on but as soon as they see Mom or Dad, cue the screaming. Also, they pick them up at 6:00 in the evening and want to make sure they haven't had a nap so they can be in bed by 7:00 or 7:30. What the heck? When exactly do you SEE your kids then. She's babysat for years and I tell you, parents are getting worse and worse.

Whatever the reason, I'm just not excited about going in. And I wish I was. I'm hopeful the funk will pass and I'll get excited to go home again.

Christmas in a bottle!

I am so in love with Mrs. Meyers. I thought the Gingerbread clean up kit from last year could not be topped. I was oh, so wrong.

This stuff is Christmas in a bottle. I keep cleaning the counter tops over and over. I bought a kit for myself, my Mom and my sister-in-law but I'm trying to figure out how I can keep an extra one. I guess that would be wrong.

LOVE IT!!!

Menu Plan Monday!

Thanksgiving is coming!! Yay! I'll be traveling to my Mom's at the end of the week while my husband stays here to fend for himself. He'll join us for the big "Turkey Day." I find that I am very busy and noticed, after a trip to the grocery, that way too many "convenience" dinner items made it into my cart. However, since I already spent the money, we're just going to go with it and get back on track after the big day. That said, I'm doing my best with what I've got:

Monday: Baked potato and cheese soup topped with bacon, green onions and sour cream. Green salad (from a bag).

Tuesday: Spaghetti, salad and hopefully I'll make some bread to round this out.

Wednesday: Baked chicken, boxed potatoes, green beans

Thursday: smoked sausage, fried potatoes and onions, peas

Friday: I'll just leave this open and wing it. Probably tacos.

I'll be gone after Friday and the husband is eating Chef Boyardee (hey, it makes him appreciate me). He'll also fend for himself next week. There will be boxes of mac and cheese should he be so inclined. Knowing him, he'll swing through McDonald's while I'm not looking. But what can I say, that is probably the better option!

Get lots more menus HERE!

The craziness...

I have a love affair with spiral notebooks. I have them everywhere for everything. I have, in front of me on the table right now, 5. One for Christmas, Disney vacation, menu planning, school planning, and grocery shopping.

I could probably combine everything into a 3-ring binder, but I won't. I love the little one subject notebooks. I love all the colors and I love drawing on the cover with my Sharpie. I can grab one and take it with me, rip out pages if I need to and I always have one in the car. J. and I do our best talking and planning in the car so I always keep one in which I can jot things down handy.

I buy them at the beginning of the school year when they're 5 cents or so. This year I bought 60. It's a sickness I tell you. There is nothing like cracking open a blank notebook. It's empty and full of promise. Waiting for plans to be made, doodles to fill the margins and for me to assign it a purpose.

I'm sitting here wondering if I should start a new one for Thanksgiving. We'll be doing some visiting, taking some things in with us and my son is going hunting with his grandfather. I need to make some lists. I just feel it might be kind of crazy to be sitting here with 6 notebooks in front of me. However, if I don't start a new one, where will I make those Thanksgiving lists?

Before I take this burden of crazy notebook obsession totally on my shoulders, I assure you, if you walk into my Mom's kitchen right now you will find at least 3 notebooks on her table. One for Thanksgiving, Christmas and a general one for her store lists.

I just really don't understand how people can function without a good list. And I really don't understand how people can MIX subjects. Now THAT would be crazy!

It's raining

It's been gray, cold and raining all day. We spent our evening in front of the crackling fire, watching a movie, making cookies, and ultimately ending up in a "pillow" fight. Our weapons were stuffed animals in fuzzy Christmas hats.

It was all good until someone took a fuzzy ball to the eye.

A year ago today...We left West Virginia

One year ago today, my husband pulled out of our driveway with his car loaded with a futon mattress, one of our dogs, some pots and pans and a small T.V. He was on his way to Indiana to start a new job. I stayed at the house to wait for the movers to come and start packing us up and deliver us to our temporary home.

Nicholas, Boots and I would follow him a few days later.

It has been a long year filled with the good and the bad. There were many many tears shed in the dark night. At times we were hopeful and excited. At other times we were overwhelmed, saddened, scared and stressed.

When the house wouldn't sell, we were stuck in an apartment and climbing the walls, it seemed like we would never find a way to be settled here. We thought we'd made a huge mistake, gave up too much to come here. We didn't get all the money they promised us when we moved. They didn't tell us all the things the money couldn't be used for and how much in taxes they would take. Those 6 months of house payments became 3.

But, things finally started to turn around for us. We rented a house, found a church, started making friends. Work started to turn around for J. They started putting more trust in him and finally coming through with the things they had promised.

And when I look back over the year, I realize how incredibly lucky I am. The year that we struggled and cried and carried on, was relatively tame compared to some of the struggles of our friends and family. I've been blessed with a husband who loves us and works hard for us and has done everything in his power to make this move RIGHT for us. Yeah, we lost a lot of things over the year, financially speaking. We've had to redefine ourselves to some extent.

I know that when we were struggling and hopeless that there was hope. Prayers would not go unanswered. Things would not always go the way we wanted but they would work out. When I look at where we are now, I am so very glad at how things have turned out. I did not see, a year ago, that we would have friends here. My son is right now, running around the house playing with a friend of his. He is spending the day with us because his Mom is having work done on her Chemo port. She has breast cancer. We have a date with another friend to go to the zoo on Thursday. We have a Church. A Church we are becoming members of. One we are happy to tie ourselves to and become PART of. We aren't outsiders or sometimes visitors.

We just went to a party of Home Schoolers from our Church and I saw my husband hanging out with "the guys" watching the game, my son running around with a herd of Children and myself hanging in the kitchen talking to the other Mom's about school, home and everything else. It was a dream for me. I never had that back home. We always hung with family. We never needed to venture out and make friends. You can't imagine what that did for my heart. I miss my family terribly but at that moment I was standing in the kitchen bonding over things women have bonded over for centuries, I was so happy and content. I felt as if I was coming into my own.

Another thing happened this week to make me feel reassured we made the right decision. Senator Byrd stepped down from his committee. For WV this is HUGE. If we were still in WV, we'd be looking for a job elsewhere right about now. My husband designs highway bridges, without Byrd, no one is going to build a highway in WV. I'm thankful we're not starting this journey right now. Instead, we're well on our way already.

I'm content in this moment in my life. I'm so very grateful for my husband and son. I'm so thankful for our life together. I'm much more aware of my blessings. The year has been a long journey but I think it's one I've been happy to take.

I plan to do another post later about us leaving WV and all the things we did and loved and left behind. If you are from WV or an ex-West Virginian, check out this New Blog. She is a new friend of mine, an ex-West Virginian, a true Mountaineer at heart. She's looking for more people from WV to share this blog with her, guest post, link up etc. West Virginia Expat!

Mountaineers are Always Free!

Christmas dinner...but different

So, I'm hosting Christmas this year. My family will be staying a few days with us in our tiny little home. I really want to make Christmas dinner something special. I've hosted Christmas dinner before but have always stuck to the basics. Pretty much a repeat of Thanksgiving.

I'm wondering, this year, about doing something a little non-traditional. We're having a HUGE Thanksgiving with my folks this year and we all eat turkey throughout the year when they go on sale. So, doing another turkey dinner just doesn't hold any appeal to me right now.

I'm trying to think through what I could fix, though. I was thinking about maybe some really GOOD steaks. Something we wouldn't normally buy. Or maybe a crusted beef tenderloin. I could always throw a turkey breast in the oven "just in case." I don't mind getting adventurous. I'm a decent cook and following a recipe is not a problem.

We always do a whole bunch of appetizers on Christmas Eve. And that is so fun. I wouldn't change that. I am looking for some new things to fix this year. I might add cheese and chocolate fondue, though. Oh, YUM!

One thing I know, I LOVE the planning! I'll have a notebook full of ideas and a million post-its stuck to my recipe books!

Menu Plan Monday

I can't believe it is Monday already. I'm late, too. I usually have this all ready to go. We're trying to use what is in the pantry and freezer over the next month. I want to make sure there is extra budget money for an amazing Christmas feast.

Monday: Roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, Yorkshire pudding, green beans. Apple pie for dessert

Tuesday: I'll use the roast on sandwiches with sauteed onions and provolone cheese. I'll sautee the onions, add Worcester sauce, toss in roast pieces and put on a buttered, toasted bun.

Wednesday: Roasted Chicken legs, oven fries, salad

Thursday: Italian Sausage pasta. Roast the sausage links, green peppers and Onions until caramelized, toss with cooked pasta, top with jar of sauce OR sometimes we do butter and parm. cheese. crusty french bread.

Friday: Sour Cream Chicken over noodles. Peas and rolls.

Saturday: Payday and Grocery day. Fajitas

Sunday: Chili and corn bread

Lunches: Peanut butter sandwiches, leftovers

Breakfasts: Oatmeal, eggs in a basket, cereal, waffles, pancakes.

Have a great week! Did I mention we put our Christmas Tree up already? Um, yeah. My husband got everything out of the attic and well, he thought it had been a long year and since we were using the fake tree anyway, we might as well have time to enjoy it all! I put my foot down at putting lights outside yet, though. At least wait until next weekend!

More Menus---HERE!!!!!!!!

Pre-Christmas cleaning

Do you do it? I like to clean and organize before the Christmas season starts. I neglected it last year since we had just moved. This year I decided to dig in and I started big. I decided to switch the office and the playroom. And while I'm doing that I'm going through all the papers that seem to gather and lay around.

Christmas decorating is coming early to my house this year. I'm going to be gone the week of Thanksgiving and we have Vacation shortly after that. I want to come home to an already decorated house after Thanksgiving. So that means, we'll be decorating next weekend!

I decided I needed to get that deep dusting, organizing and and switching rooms done. And tomorrow, we're tackling the garage.

It's not as much fun as it sounds. Anyway, I bit off a big job, bigger than I thought so I'll be back once my nest is all cozied and cleaned.

The handsome can not be contained...

I feel good.

I'm in a real positive mood today. I feel calm and hopeful. My husband's work is going well, my son is thriving and learning. I have been uncertain about the future for a long time. Uncertain about J.'s job, about moving here, possibly moving again, about which side of town to live on and whether or not we were making the right decisions.

I don't know that any one thing is happened or if it is the culmination of many things but suddenly I feel very grown up. I feel like I'm finally making decisions and stepping up to the plate of adulthood. Considering I'm 35, maybe it has been a long time coming. But, we've lived in chaos for so long that it was just so easy to depend on family for help all the time.

When my son was born we ate dinner every single night with my parents who were only a mile or two away. We did that for a year or more. I feel like I never took full responsibility for keeping my family. I miss my family and my Mom a lot but I also feel empowered. My husband and I are raising a pretty wonderful boy. There's no more running to my parents when we have trouble or "need" a break. We have to work through it. We rely on EACH OTHER instead of going to someone else. It's made us realize that we actually can rely on each other. It's especially helped me realize that I have a partner in the parenting business. He's every bit as capable as I am. And he's pretty cute, to boot!

We're building a life and a sense of "home." One of our own making and it feels good.

The reason I became a blogger.

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this but, the above is why I became a blogger. I've stayed up until the wee hours of the morning for two years in a row lost in Christmas bliss. I'm so excited to participate this year!

It's my new favorite Christmas tradition. Sitting in my pajamas, drinking hot tea and looking at other people's houses and decorations. Oh, it's so good!

Handsomeness...

Really, are those eyelashes fair? On a boy no less!

Indiana and Homeschoolers

First of all, we went to vote this morning. Did you? Our wait was an hour. It wasn't too bad.

While I was in line the "head" lady working the polling place came up to talk to N. She asked him how old he was and where he went to school. She was very sweet. I said, as I always do, a little sheepishly, "We homeschool." She replies, "Me, too!"

At Sunday school a few weeks ago N. got a new teacher. She raved and raved about how well behaved he was and that he was the best kid in the class. She asked where he went to school that he was so well behaved. I replied, as I always do, a little sheepishly, "We homeschool." She said, "Me, too!"

I get that a lot here. In WV when I said I homeschooled I would get this "look" and they would say, "Ohhhhhhhhhh." Here in Indiana either I meet another homeschooler or someone who's sister or neighbor or friend homeschools .

Here in Indiana, I'm PROUD to be a homeschooler. We aren't considered weird or strange. It's pretty prevalent here. And that makes it ever so much easier.

Weekends in WV...

We had a wonderful weekend going to WV and visiting family. There weren't many leaves left on the trees but what were left behind was quite beautiful. It was a lot of fun hanging out with my Mom, drinking too much coffee and going shopping together.

The best part of the trip came at a discount furniture store. We gave our real dining room table to my Mom two years ago. We had just built a huge island in our kitchen and we had turned the dining room in our old house into an office/classroom. We had a small dinette table that we have been using for the past two years.

Let me tell you, I have missed a real table. Our family sits down to a meal together every night. We like to play board games, work puzzles and Jamie and I often have "budget" meetings at said table. Well, this weekend I found a WONDERFUL counter top height table at a huge discount. HUGE. My husband bought it for me for Christmas. I am SO happy! He's going to put it together for me tonight and I can't wait. With the leaf in it it's 54" square and seats 8 people. That should be plenty of room! Also, since my counter space is limited and I no longer have the huge island, I now have all this work space at the perfect height. We don't really have a formal dining room. Just an eating area attached to the kitchen. Which is perfect for us.

It sure is going to beat having everyone here for Christmas and eating on a piece of plywood.

Okay but the best best best part of the weekend...coming home. I kid you not. Pulling in the driveway, opening the door, walking into the cozy living room, smelling the faint remnants of wood smoke (we forgot to close the chimney and it was windy while we were gone), and just feeling welcomed. It was huge for me to be happy to be back home. I generally don't want to leave WV. I guess we're making progress.

I kind of like it.

For the record...

Do you ever go back and read what you've been writing and think, "Wow, I'm a big cry baby." So, it's just me then? OK.

Really, I'm a very happy person. I'm the optimistic one in our little family. It's just that when I am upset or discouraged, I find that writing it down and talking it out makes me feel so much better. And that's what I do here. As soon as the words hit the "page" I feel better. I'm able to see beyond what I've been feeling.

I know that lately, I've been much more content. I've walked into the house and felt like I was home. We LOVE our new Church and that is HUGE for us. We actually are in the process of becoming members. We haven't been members of a Church in 8 years.

My husband's job is going pretty well. He's expecting to get some good news in the coming week. He looks, at the moment, to be securely employed. How about that?! First time in 8 years for that one, too.

I've been much happier with where I am. Less worried about my poor only child. We've found a few friends and our Church is putting a get-together in the works for all the homeschoolers.

I'll always be sad we were never able to have more children. I'll probably always be a little bitter that no one understood how you can be infertile after being fertile the first time. But, the pain and disappointments are fading. It was nice to spend a summer NOT on medication and not a crazy woman. I've enjoyed not being poked and prodded for a while. And honestly, I enjoy my little family.

It feels good to be making plans for the future. I'm already laying out a garden on paper for next year. We're going BIGGER!

Plans for the holidays are slowly coming together. We'll be busy. We're going to Disney World. Hello! Who can be depressed when you're going to Disney? I love being busy at the holidays. It means we're loved and wanted.

My husband and I actually still love and more importantly LIKE each other. We're still friends, even. My son is a wonderful boy. He's growing up way too fast but at 7, he still asks for the occasional snuggle. I'm good with that!

My life is good. Sure, I'll still get upset, unmotivated, aggravated and frustrated. We all do. It's better that I take it out here than on my family. But, I don't want to look back over this blog and think I was always so unhappy. I'm not.

Our Pastor gave a sermon on Sunday about contentment. Talk about timely. Have you ever sat in a service and thought there must be a spotlight shining on you during the sermon or at any moment the pastor was going to point and say "I mean you!" Anyway, it was a good one. We laughed, we cried, and I actually took notes. One thing stuck with me, he said something to the effect that if you can not be content with what you have right now, RIGHT THIS SECOND, then you will never learn what it means to be content. There was also this whole thing about Happy Meals, kids and growing older and the toys getting bigger. It was hard not to kick my husband and tell him to pay attention. Really. Hard.

And you know what, right this second, I have everything a girl could ever want.

Beans and Macaroni

Well, I don't see anyone doing beans on the Souptacular so here we go. We tend to keep it simple around here. My Mom used to make this a lot. It came from my grandmother who was the wife of a Coal Miner with 5 kids to feed. It uses no meat but is very satisfying. It's definitely a budget stretcher!!!!

Ingredients:
1 bag of pinto beans
1 box of macaroni
salt
pepper
water
Other seasonings, whatever you like.

Top with onions and hot sauce if desired and serve with Corn Bread.

Rinse pinto beans. I never soak them and have never had a problem. Cover with water and simmer until beans are tender. Be sure to season well. You can not over salt this. Add macaroni and cook until macaroni is not quite done. You can then let this sit or simmer. The macaroni will soak up some bean juice and be really yummy.

Okay, it doesn't sound like much, but really, it is so good on a cold day and a wonderful budget stretcher! It's better than straight beans because the macaroni gives a nice satisfying bulk to the meal. I've added ham at times and other seasonings but mostly, I like the simple basic version.

I'm just getting into using my crock pot a little more often. Looking forward to some good recipes!

Head over to BooMama for more soup and crockpot ideas.

Those bends in the road again

It says:

"Journey. A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn."

That poster reminds me of roads back home. It's available at AllPosters.com. Could that be any more timely? I think I'll buy it.

The prices we pay...

People say that if you are suffering in this economy you have probably made bad choices. I don't really think so. Sure some people bought McMansions. Too many cars. And some of us, some of us, just tried to hold on to a dream. We had a small little home. Energy efficient. Less than a 1/4 acre lot. Beautiful hardwood floors. No, not those fancy Bruce hardwoods. They were grade B Amish planks. They were full of knots and such. They were lovely. They shined. We lived 38 miles from the city in a small community. We had a Kroger, a Wal-Mart and a Bob Evans.

But, the economy in West Virginia has never been strong unless you are in coal. My husband is a engineer but not the kind that would work for a coal company. Besides we don't really like the coal industry. We've seen how they treat the land and the people. Anyway, money runs tight in WV. We thought that we would do well to move on. His job was making noises about closing and moving out of state. This would have been the third or fourth company to do this to us. So we took a new job and hoped for a new life. And our house wouldn't sell. We ended up with nothing to show for all the love and time and money we put into our home. We left with less than we put in.

Well, anyway, I'm sure we made some bad decisions. I know that we did. But I don't think we or anyone else really deserves to suffer for wanting a piece of the American dream. Everyone tells you, you need to own a home. That's the first thing your supposed to do when you get married. When you can't own it, you are left to feel like a failure. When you rent you are considered second class. People get that "look" when you tell them, we're renting. It makes it very hard to be content. Family talks to you about getting you this or doing that "when you get your own home."

You know what, this IS my home. It's not my dream home. It isn't my cabin in the woods. But, it is home. There's a fire crackling in my hearth. My two menfolk are snuggled on the couch watching a movie and drinking chocolate milk.

I don't want to give up my dreams of that cabin in the woods. I don't. But I want it to be OK to be here. I want to hold on to my dreams. Realizing those dreams is going to take a LONG time. In the mean time, I want this path to be OK. I don't want people to treat me like I'm less because I'm a "renter." Not all of us trash our homes, let the dog pee on the carpet or put holes in the walls. And frankly, the nearly $15,000 a year we pay the landlord kind of negates them renting this house to us as a Christian Service. I mean really, you don't have to act like it is such a burden to rent us your house. You have two rentals, telling me you bought something for "all the rentals" makes me laugh. We don't call you about little things. We don't complain. We've called you one time for something in the 6 months we've been here. Telling me all the burdens you face as a landlord gets on my nerves. Telling me to treat this house as my own in the next breath makes me cringe. And frankly, this is no palace. It's a nearly 40 year old home. I think it has the original paint outside. I can see the wood through the peeling paint. My husband patched the eve so we wouldn't get critters. We could have rented something so much better for less money but we loved the yard and the neighborhood. I wanted a big garden.

However, if eating a little humble pie is what we have to do to make it through the next few years, then I'll do it with a smile. Things could be so much worse for us. I am thankful to have this house. Not thankful enough to kiss up to you all the time and babysit your kid but thankful to have a place we like, an acre of yard, trees, leaves to play in, a cozy stone fireplace, a spacious if outdated kitchen and a covered back porch. I love those things.

It's a small price to pay. I'll be a better person for it. Maybe some day I'll own a rental and will treat the renters like they are, you know, respectable adults.

Menu Plan Monday!

Wow, Monday all ready? Where did my weekend go? My Mom sent us a Paula Deen Smithfield glazed Ham to try out because she wanted to serve one with her Turkey for Thanksgiving. I just want to say...holy cow! Totally worth it! That thing was yummy!!! So, anyway, we have some leftover...like most of it. That will be appearing in my meal plan for the week!

Monday: Ham, potato salad, baked beans and veggies. Homemade rolls in case someone would rather have a ham sandwich.

Tuesday: Potato soup and fresh bread. I just kind of wing it. I'll use ham and cheese in it. I thicken the "broth" from the potatoes with instant mashed potatoes. It makes it creamy and keeps the flavor. I'll use lots of sharp cheddar and top with bacon.

Wednesday: We'll be tired of ham we've been eating since Saturday. Buffalo chicken legs, onion straws, salad.

Thursday: Tacos

Friday: We'll be leaving town to go to WV for the weekend. So, we'll grab something on the road.

Saturday and Sunday: My Mom will feed us. YAY!!!!!


Breakfasts: Oatmeal, eggs in a basket, cereal, pop tarts, waffles

Lunches: Leftovers, PB sandwiches, Noodle soup, mac and cheese

See more HERE!!!

Sleeping issues

My son is 7. He has been waking up 5 or more times a night for the past few weeks. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out what has gotten into him. He wakes up and comes in to get me up. Sometimes to go to the bathroom. Sometimes he just wants a hug. I have talked and talked to him about what is getting him up at night. He just says he doesn't know.

I've been understanding, comforting and sweet. I've gotten angry, hey I'm not at my best at 3:00 in the morning.

I am at a loss at what to do anymore. It's like having newborn in the house. I'm exhausted. I feel like drawing a line and telling him no more. If you get up you will be in big trouble. However, I am worried something is wrong or scaring him or hurting him and I don't want to be a big meanie. But, I want some sleep. He needs some sleep. He can't or won't tell me why he is waking up.

I have a feeling he just has an over active imagination and that his room is too much chaos for him. Too many shadows. I thought maybe I'd start by redoing his room to make it better. Move his bed away from the window in case it is the wind. It's just odd that nothing had bothered him until right now.

All I know is it better be a passing phase. We ALL need some uninterrupted sleep! Soon!

It's all good

I'm cold. My fingers are cold. There are snow flurries in the forecast for Monday and Tuesday of next week. There is a small fire crackling in the hearth. I started it all by myself this morning without even a starter log.

The wind is howling outside but the sun in rising bright in the blue sky. Leaves are swirling all around the yard. They're falling at an alarming rate in the gusty wind. Tomorrow is going to be a bit raw and wet. A great day for something warm from the oven.

We're headed to BouncerTown in a few hours to meet a homeschool buddy. Bouncing, jumping, climbing and lunch. Later, we'll pick Daddy up from the bus, maybe get a quick bite for dinner. We have plans to wander Lowe's. Love that. I want to look at some rugs and have thoughts of redoing Ns room.

I'm sipping a McDonald's coffee. We had to take J. to the bus this morning so we could have the car. We were grumpy and cold so N and I stopped at McDs for breakfast. Pancakes for him and a sausage biscuit for me. The robust aroma of a McDonald's coffee filled the truck making me think of driving in the dark to WV for a visit. It seems there is always coffee involved.

It's all good.

All those ideas

I got caught up reading Menu Plan Monday yesterday. Wow. I really need to get a bit more adventurous in my meal planning. There are some amazing recipes out there. There are families eating things like Chimichangas and Asian dishes I can't pronounce.

We tend to stick with the simple and the tried and true. I love to get creative and cook but I tend to stick with things I know both my husband and my son will eat. I think once a week though I might start trying something new on them!

I realized something else yesterday, though. I was reading all those blogs. Some made me feel good, some didn't. I'm tired of being told what to eat, how to dress, how my house should look and how to raise my son. I'm tired of reading a blog and getting a lecture on how to live. Don't buy this, don't eat that, vote for this person, don't paint this color, decorate with this product, listen to this music etc. I find that if I am not careful, it all starts to make me feel like everything I do is wrong, that my home isn't good enough and my routine is lacking.

I love blogs, though. I love looking into other peoples lives, homeschools, menus and decorating ideas. I just get frustrated when what starts out as a peak into someones life turns into a lecture on how to live. Maybe it is just me. I have a hard enough time being happy with what I have, I don't need to read things that make me feel even worse about my life. That's the beauty of this kind of thing, though. You don't like it? Don't read it.

Menu Plan Monday

Well, finally, a normal week around here. My husband has no business trips, soccer is over and we aren't going anywhere this coming weekend. It's hard to believe! We've been slowly stocking our freezer and pantry and are truly enjoying how that feels.

Monday: Pork Loin Roast with pan gravy, Corn and Wild Rice (Pioneer Woman), Fried apples, green beans. (I actually made the corn and wild rice for a get together we were going to yesterday that got canceled. So, it is mixed up but not baked.) Fresh baked bread

Tuesday: Italian Sausage, peppers and onions in the crock pot and on sandwiches with cheese. Salad

Wednesday: Baked Chicken, Mashed potatoes, mixed veggies, rolls

Thursday: Chicken Pot pie (we like ours with a buttery biscuit crust...yum)

Friday: Smoked Sausage, fried potatoes and some sort of veggie

Saturday: Ham, sweet potatoes, potato salad, corn and lima beans, rolls

Have a great week. See more menus here!

Bends in the road....

You know how you can be barreling along on a straight stretch of road, you can see the turn ahead of you but it doesn't look too terrible then suddenly you realize it was more sharp than you thought and you squeal your tires just a bit. It's kind of a lovely thing.

Really, if you knew the turn was that sharp, you'd think about it more, slow down, be more cautious. You wouldn't squeal your tires, your little man wouldn't hold his hands-up from his booster and scream like he's on a roller coaster and you wouldn't be laughing at him like a maniac and saying..."don't tell Daddy!!!" Of course, you know he's going to tell on you but you like him to think he's getting one up on you anyway. He's doesn't have a brother or sister. He has to have moments to "tattle" on someone.

Truthfully, if you squealed your tires, you were going to fast on the turn. There was danger there and you didn't see it. But, you're through it now. You are all OK. You won't make the mistake on that turn again. It was lovely at the time, though. That little flip in your tummy and the shared laughter.

I kind of think life can be like that. Can we be too cautious? Forgetting to live, to always being careful not to go too fast, not to make a bad decision. To see the twists and turns ahead and slow down to a crawl, analyze EVERYTHING.

I wonder if this point in our lives, if because of all the struggles we've had and the ones we've seen from the sidelines, if we haven't just picked a safe speed.

My husband and I talk all the time about our deep desire to "chuck it all" and move to the country. Make just enough money to get by. We DREAM about it. It fills our talks, fuels us when life gets crazy. We don't actually do it. We know we probably won't actually do it. Not any time soon. We start talking about the actualities of that kind of life. Being tied down to a piece of land. Not being able to take off or travel much. Finding a way to make a living and putting food on the table could be a real challenge. I'm not sure we're up to that.

When we were out in the middle of no where this weekend, sitting on a porch swing or throwing a line in the water, we were at peace. We were happy. We were free. I think maybe it was an illusion. It was a weekend away. Our troubles were left at home. It wasn't real life. We talked about how we always make the safe choice. He's tired of being an engineer, tired of the politics, the hand holding and working for the bottom line. He wants to own a small market, make sandwiches in the back. Sell live bait. I LOVE that about him.

But when we see that bend in the road, we slow down, think it over, it's a logistical nightmare. We don't have the money to invest in something like that. Maybe when he retires! I sometimes tell him that maybe we need to be more like our Grandparents. We both had coal miners for Grandfathers. I had one that worked his whole life in a hardware store and Montgomery Wards. Do you think those were dream jobs? Do you think they sat around feeling unfulfilled? I seriously doubt it. They were too busy, raising families, putting food on the table and surviving. They didn't have this spoiled sense of entitlement. Boo-hoo, I'm not living my dream. :)

So, maybe living a slower more simple life doesn't have to mean that we chuck it all and move away. Maybe it isn't about WHERE we are. It's about us. Our attitude. I've talked to my Mom about her childhood. They were camping and taking road trips and eating out of the back of the car. Things were simpler. Work was just that, work. It didn't define our Grandfathers. Why let it define us?

We're a small family. We have a lot of freedom. At the end of the day or the week, if we feel like taking off some where, we can do it. Money gets tight but it's there, every two weeks, it's there. So many can't say that. So many struggle. Some people in this world would think we live the life of kings. Instead of trying to change our lives and ourselves into something we're not, perhaps we'd be better off being more grateful about what we have. Using our time and our talents to make this life the BEST we can.

Maybe it isn't the bend in the road that should give us the thrill. Maybe the thrill is really found in the straightaway after the bend. The laughing and speeding back up. Letting our hair fly out the windows and leaving our marks in the road as a warning to the next traveler. Maybe the thrill is showing our son that no matter what the road, or life, throws in our way that we will hold on and handle it together. The butterflies in the stomach will come but we'll laugh our way through it, we'll hold a little tighter, we'll say a prayer and when it is all through, we'll thank God for the journey.

Being a Mom

Being a Mom means:

up most of the night with a sick boy
showering to get the (dry) vomit out of my hair at 3 am
washing bedding at 3:15 am
drinking coffee since 4 am
I'm still washing bedding and pillows and pjs
I cloroxed both bathrooms (sorry environmentalists but sometimes only Clorox will do the job)
I just steam-cleaned the carpets and mattresses
AND I just took the last cup of coffee out of the pot

I am SOOOOOOOO going to crash in about 2 hours!

Only child challenges...homeschool

Some days I want to just run down to the local elementary school, enroll my son and demand him life-long friends. Then I come to my senses.

But still, it can be hard. He's an only child. That comes with many perks as well as many challenges. We decided to homeschool originally because we were in such a horrible school district. Let me just say, there were wild dogs roaming the halls. And so they put up a fence...but couldn't finish it. Now, tell me what good that would do? But that wasn't the only reason. We just like being together. We felt like we could do it, we would enjoy it and our family would thrive.

All of that...true. So true. It works for us. Sure, I get frustrated some days. I question myself all the time. I want to do the best, the very best, for my son. He loves his life and his school. But, I know, KNOW that sometimes he is lonely. No, not unsociable or weird. Just a little lonely.

For some reason, this side of town does not have the opportunities for getting together with other homeschoolers that we had when we lived on the OTHER side of town. Of course, we couldn't really afford that side of town so we rented a great place here. It's perfect for us except we didn't realize there were NO children in the neighborhood. None. And try as I might, I can't find homeschoolers to get together. I've thought of going to the North side of town but realistically that won't work. It's a good hour away and we are down to one car.

And all that makes me feel like a failure as a Mom. Am I ruining his life? Is he missing out on something special. He's not unhappy. He loves Church, did well at soccer and bonded with his team. But, they are all in public school and don't really seem to have TIME for us. Always running for brothers and sisters and school activities.

N. doesn't think he's really missing anything. He even told me if I wanted another baby some day I could wait until after he was grown up and I was "done" with him. I thought that was funny. He's not really interested in a brother or sister, thank goodness, since I can't give him one. We try to get together once a week with a new friend of his and he seems to think that is enough. I don't know why I feel like there should be more.

Maybe I just like creating problems for myself. Maybe we should just move back to the other side of town!

Wonderful times...

We had a wonderful weekend full of family, fishing, cooking, eating, laughing and presents. We went to a cabin with my family for my son's birthday. We all really had a wonderful time! There was no phone, we kept the TV off and no Internet.

I have to say it was rather lovely to be "unplugged" for 4 days.

However, it is back to the grind today. I must find homes for all the gifts (my boy is rather spoiled) wash mountains of "fishy" clothes, sheets, towels and blankets. I have wet shoes to dry and a million things to get put away.

I'll see you when my chores are through!

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy

I can't believe you are 7. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of how grown up you are becoming.

Things I love about you:

That your life has a soundtrack. You sing everywhere you go. For everything.
Your unbelievable smile
The sheer joy in your laugh
You still like to snuggle with your Mommy
Your ability to play alone for hours on end
Your amazement at the simple things
Your evil laugh when you win a game
How you worry about everyone
Your big giant heart
That the dog is your "Best Friend"
You still call me Mommy
You hold open the door and say "Ladies First" as I go through
Then slam it in your Daddy's face and laugh
That you help me cook and pretend we're on a cooking show
You hate pink (by the way, you got a pink shirt for your birthday...pretend you like it)

Really there are so many things to love about you. Sometimes I look at you and my heart swells nearly out of my chest. You have truly been a blessing to your Daddy and me. You make our lives so much better just by being in them.


I love you. Happy Birthday Baby.

Happy Memories

From the bottom of the Ferris Wheel.
From the Top of the Ferris Wheel

We got all the Forest Gump questions right!

Chicago from the boat!

A couple weekends ago we took off and went to Chicago. No plan. No map. No destination. It had been years since we did anything like that. N had a soccer game that morning and afterward we were kind of bored and thought we'd like to do something. We just kind of decided to take off to Chicago. We didn't have a lot of time or money to spend there. But we had a wonderful afternoon. We took a boat ride, walked around Navy Pier, rode the Ferris Wheel (thanks to a kindly stranger who had 3 tickets left over and handed them to us), ate dinner at Bubba Gump, answered Forest Gump trivia and just had a wonderful time. We drove home late that night and put our exhausted boy straight bed. It was a very nice day. We intend to go back and hit the museums!

Overwhelmed

I've accomplished NOTHING today. Not a thing. Oh, well, I put the dishes away but only so I could reload the dishwasher.

I just feel kind of overwhelmed. Things are a little out of control. I know that when I'm staring into the future and looking around me at what needs done even now, I feel panic well up. I don't know where to start so I just don't start.

And it's not that there's laundry or dishes or housework. It's the bigger things. It's school for N, financial decisions, career decisions, to paint or not to paint, will we be here long enough to make it worth it, Christmas, vacation , organizing, fixing and so on. There are just so many things that need done. I don't know where to start.

We need to make a sound financial plan. I need to get the house in order. I need to get my household budget in some sort of order, cut things out, take stock, see where we stand. Christmas and vacation are looming on the horizon. Everything needs money thrown at it. And yes, we don't own this house, however, we have permission to paint. The living room aggravates me on a daily basis. I think if I would just suck it up and paint it already, that would be money and time well spent. It's this red over gold faux finish but she left big LINES all through it and it looks wet. Or like bad wallpaper or something. And it is something so little but it impacts me in a big way. I spend a lot of time here. There aren't any curtains at most of the windows. And it's money we don't need to spend but it seems like something so small to make the house feel homey.

Then there's the wondering if we should bother to do anything anyway. Js job is perilously close to the chopping block. Not because of him or anything but his whole division is losing money and he may have come on too late to save it. So I wonder if I should bother with the paint or the curtains. If we are going to be here long enough for it to matter.

And school. I need to sit down and put together a plan for the rest of the year. N and I both agree that we miss our regular routine. And that is my fault. I just keep trying to catch up. I never seem to make it. I envy those people that seem to have it all together. They bake bread and talk about living simply. That don't have stacks of laundry all over the house.

It's more about feeling like I'm not getting it done. About not knowing where things are headed. Wanting to stay right where I am. Wanting TIME to get school together for Nicholas and MONEY to buy a few extra supplies. It's about being lazy and not getting things done because I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.

All I really want is just to settle in. Drink in the Fall. Delight in the crunchy leaves and cozy sweathshirts. Stack wood for winter. Paint the living room because I want it nice in there for Christmas. Take a truckload of stuff to Goodwill. Put up curtains...cute ones. Buy everyone new cozy jammies, crank down the heat and prepare for hibernating. I don't want to worry if I'm going to be loading a Uhaul when it is -4 degrees. Been there/done that. It's not fun. I want to wrap Christmas presents and pack for vacation and enjoy my family.

A lot of people have it a LOT worse than we do. I do understand that. The next two weeks will help us to know what is going on and what is going to happen to us. I just am not a patient person. The best thing for all of us is to go on like nothing is going to change. To put the worry away for now. I know it will creep up for me time and time again. But, if I can just keep it at bay and go on with life as usual, I and my family will be so much better for it!

I think what I need is a good list. A blank notebook and a good list of things I need to do. Everything is so much more manageable with a good list! And if I have to stop mid-stride and start packing boxes or researching new towns, I'll face it when it comes along as I always have. Cry, freak out, the suck it up and do what needs done.

Homeschool, frugality, and Fall

I'm so happy to be getting back into our routine. We don't have a strict schedule but I do like to have a certain rhythm to my days. It makes things so much easier on me and on N. When he knows what to expect, it is always easier.

N. has a birthday this week. He'll be 7 which I can't believe. He's getting so grown up!

I'm feeling inspired by the chill in the air and the soft colors of early Fall that are showing themselves in our trees. The days are still a little warm for my taste but I really love the cool nights and the need for warmth in the morning.

I really want to add a DAILY nature walk to our school routine. We kind of do it haphazardly right now and I think we'd both benefit from the fresh air on a daily basis. Not that we don't get out, just that we don't do it with a purpose. It will be especially nice this time of year to watch the daily changes as the world prepares to go to sleep.

We went to the pumpkin patch over the weekend. I wish it had been cooler but actually it was a beautiful day. We took a hay ride, picked our pumpkins, played some old fashioned games and went through a corn maze. N. had a blast! It really helped me feel in the Fall spirit!

I want to carry that on through school. for the rest of the month before we start looking toward the holidays.

Also, *big sigh* I've realized we really need to tighten our belts and buckle down financially. We have spent far too much money lately. Too much eating out and running around. Sure, it's been fun but we are in a position that building up some savings would really benefit us. I know we've had a really tough year, personally, and to compensate we've spent more than we should. We haven't been careful.

The kicker is the December vacation. We just have to work around that one! I thought if I started getting my ducks in a row that when January rolls around we'll already have a lot of things in practice to help get the ball rolling.

And, my husband is waiting for the computer to work on the bills and budget. Ick. guess I'll let him have it!!

Putting it back together

Everyone has headed home, J. has headed off to work for a very busy and interesting week, N. is still in bed recovering from a busy weekend. I am staring at a mountain of laundry and a cobweb on the light. I just don't even have the gumption to menu plan for the week. We're *gasp* winging it! We have some late nights and errands to run. It will just be easier to grab and go this week. I know, it's terrible. What can I say, I'm just out of steam. Well, except today because I didn't make the turkey I had been thawing out this weekend. We didn't have our nice family dinner. So, I'm making that tonight and we'll probably eat turkey sandwiches this week. I'm just glad I didn't thaw the ham.

I felt like we all made a collective sigh when our visitors left yesterday. It was a busy weekend. Some things went as I expected but I was much more conscience about just relaxing and letting things roll off. I think they had a good time. N. was tired. He's not used to having a 2 1/2 year old dogging his steps all the time. It was cute. Well, except when he barricaded himself in his room and told everyone to go away, he needed ALONE TIME! He's so much like his Dad and I.

We all took it easy yesterday afternoon. We spent the day on the couch watching Football.

So, today finds me with a ton of chores to do to get the house back together. Isn't it funny how you clean and clean for company and then they are here 5 minutes and the place is destroyed? Yeah, I didn't really think it was funny either. But, it was good that that made the effort to come all this way and that we got to visit and spend some time catching up.

If you need me, I'll be folding towels.

You should know...I can be a bit hyper and panicky

Well, that is quite true. I can be hyper and panicky and run around like a maniac. I will wail and moan and stress out. Then, once that is all out there and I've put that energy to good use, I'll calm down and get rational. I don't know, it's the way I roll.

Right now, my carpets are cleaned, sheets freshly laundered, house dusted, rugs washed, son bathed and scrubbed, his room clean and neat, grass cut and turkey thawing. And I feel good. I'm actually kind of excited about the visitors.

I also spent a lot of time just thinking about things. I realize it isn't how they see things that bother me. It's how I FEEL about how they see things. The truth is if my husband, son and myself are happy with what we have and where we are, I should not get so defensive. Those are MY insecurities showing themselves. We're just different. We have different values and lifestyles. Mine isn't anything "less" than theirs. It is just different. And if I am OK with that, they will be, too. If I let my defenses down, it will all be a lot better.

Rather than resent Friday's dinner, I should go back to when I planned it. I was excited and happy to cook a big meal for the whole family. I thought how happy my mother-in-law would be to see us all eating a meal together. And she will be. When the time comes, we'll drink coffee and work in the kitchen together, we'll set at the table well into the evening and talk and eat pie. And it will be good. The talk and the pie! And I will enjoy having help with the dishes and bask in compliments (neither my MIL or SIL are cooks).

My boy is excited! And that is enough to make me smile.

Forgive me for being so crazy about this. My husband came home from work and handed me a whole new bag of worries. Visits with my in-laws will be a pleasure compared to what we may be facing. But, I'll worry about all that on Monday.

Compartmentalizing.

OK, I have an awful lot to do and a lot of things rattling around in my little ole brain. I'm going to park them all here for a bit and get them out of my head so I can have a more productive day!

My in-laws are coming with my sister-in-law and her son. He's a SPIRITED 2 1/2 year old. I have no idea what to put up or how my son is going to react to him breaking any favorite toys.

My in-laws are coming. They think it would take $50,000 just to make our home livable. I'm angry about that. Also, I just realized that most of my nerves come from feeling like I can't measure up. I have no garden tub or $15,000 to spend for professional window treatments. I have $6 curtains up in the classroom. It's MY feelings about those things that are the problem. My house is cozy, comfortable and cute. I am normally very proud of it. They can't make me feel bad if I don't let them. Still, a woman wants to be proud of her home. But, it's my problem.

I just read an article about some candidate in Indiana possibly requiring homeschoolers to take the ISTEP and get curriculum approval and there is always talk or requiring parents to be certified. That really ticks me off. I need to be certified to teach one child? Don't think so. I know it is unlikely to happen. Maybe the testing will pass but probably not the rest. Still, I don't understand why they can't leave us be. We pay taxes and don't ask anything in return. I'm thinking of moving to Texas. Or Alaska. Or Oklahoma. I don't want to fight this fight. I just want to do my thing and love on my family and be left alone. The problem with having NO homeschool requirements is that someone always wants to pass some. At least, even though WV requirements were kind of strict, they were already laid out and everyone felt like it was dealt with. (I have no idea if that last sentence made sense...I'm rushing)

My son is cleaning his room without me asking. He's so excited for his Grandparents to come. And that makes me feel guilty. And angry. Their bringing their other grandson and I know they'll be consumed with him. And that makes me feel bad for my son and angry at myself for not being more open and generous. My Father-in-law makes wooden toys. N. has not gotten on in 2 1/2 years. I'll let you figure that one out. And then I feel bad for remembering stuff like that. UGH!

I'm praying the weekend goes well and quickly. My mother-in-law has told me 5 times not to go to the trouble of making Thanksgiving dinner Friday night. I told my husband that if she doesn't want me to go to the trouble, then I won't. FORGET IT! Can't she just say, that sounds great and leave it at that? However, when I told my husband, he was all disappointed. He was looking forward to the big family dinner. So, I'm taking the turkey out of the freezer but, I'm keeping the ham. We'll have it when their gone. I want to make my husband happy, darn him.

Webster just added "homeschool" to the dictionary as opposed to "home school." FINALLY! Now, when will I stop getting that annoying red line under it?

The economy. Enough said. Just take it out of my brain, thank you.

My husband's meeting with the CEO of the company today. Today is not the day to walk out on your job and decide to chuck it all and move to a mud hut in the mountains, honey. If you could wait until Monday, after your folks are gone, I'd really appreciate it. Maybe you should compartmentalize until Monday, too?

I need a vacation. And a date. And some time alone in a hotel with my husband. This is a family blog. I'll leave it at that.

My rug shampooer is stopped up. I have to go dig out the dog hair. Yuck. I feel better though! It's good to let it all out!

Fear factor...

So, I've been glued to the T.V., like most I would say. Wondering what is going to happen to the economy. Thinking selfishly what that will mean for me and mine. Understandable, I suppose.

My husband's company is rather on the small side with only 110 employees. He's part of a new division of the company that hasn't had time to yet turn a profit. He's one of the newest employees there.

So, you can see where I might worry. If the company has to make cuts, I see us being on the chopping block. No one told me being the wife of an engineer would be so stressful!

My fight or flight instincts are kicking in pretty hard right now. Of course, my real instinct is as it always is. Flight. I want to run. I want him to run. Find a larger company with more of a cushion and a backlog of work. RUN!!

But, that is what we always do. We've always ended up being right, I would like to point out. However, this time, I find that even though every instinct is screaming for me to push him to call a recruiter, I'm not going to do it. Not yet anyway. It will take time for all the chips to fall where they may. I'm inclined to just ride it out. We're HAPPY here.

I'm cozy and content in my little home. And if something does happen, we aren't tied down with a house right now so we could go where the next job is in a heartbeat. We home school, we rent, we have one car. We have some debt from the financial mess we were in last year. Ultimately, though, we have an awful lot of freedom. No school to withdraw from, no house to sell, no real health issues. Our parents are currently healthy and doing well.

I'd like to just stay here, though. My husband likes his job for what it's worth. I like living here. We are starting to Bloom, doing things we've never got around to doing before. Settling in. Our Driver's Licenses have our actual address on it!! Not one from 2 moves ago. Our son is blossoming here. He loves his big yard and his Church here. We're slowly getting more involved. Finding our way around. Learning about events and activities.

Most of all, I just want to turn it over and have Faith. I want them to push J. out the door of this company. Not make it easy on them. I think this is where we need to be right now. The panic is still there. Just under the surface it boils and looks to get a hold on me.

So, I've decided how to handle it. I'm turning off the news. Buh-bye. I'll check in on it once in a while. I'm turning off the candidates. I've decided where my vote is going. I'm tired of all the finger pointing. It makes my blood boil. They're both out of line and ridiculous.

Instead, I think I'll be a good little housewife. I'll encourage my husband, make my home comfortable and peaceful, cozy things up for winter, create a haven for us. A place where it is calm and loving. I'll pick up some more board games to play in front of the fire, extra cozy pjs to keep the heat turned way down. Maybe I'll bake some bread and make some cookies. Basically, I'll just find comfort the way women have for thousands of years. I know it sounds like I'm putting my head in the sand and acting like the "little lady." The truth is, I can do more good just by being supportive. I trust my husband to make the best decisions for himself and our family. We decided 8 years ago that I would give up my career (and I went more than willingly) and stay home. I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing with my life. And right now, at this moment in history, I can do the most good by taking care of those I love, and turning my focus on my family and my home.

The chips will fall where they may. We will weather any storms that come our way, we will pray for our country, those we love, and ourselves. And we will hold on to the thing that is most important to us. Each other.

Menu Plan Monday

Our schedule is all messed up this week. So, I'll just plan ahead and do my best. My in-laws are visiting on Thursday-Sunday and since we won't see them over the holidays, we're having "Thanksgiving" dinner on Friday.

Sunday: Grilled Pork Loin, Au-Gratin potatoes, green beans, corn (for those that think Green Beans are not human food), Parmesan bread.

Monday: Soccer Practice. Leftover Pork loin made into BBQ. Leftover potatoes.

Tuesday: BFD (Breakfast for dinner). Hash brown Casserole from Paula Deen. We had it a couple weeks ago. Yum!!

Wednesday: Grilled chicken breasts, buttered noodles, big green salad.

Thursday: In-laws arriving. Will make meatballs in the morning and put them in the crock pot. Spaghetti and meatballs, bread, salad

Friday: Our Thanksgiving with them. Turkey, Ham, gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, dumplings, corn, green beans, rolls, pumpkin pie (from me), coconut cream pie (from a local bakery), punch, dill dip, veggie tray. I think that is everything.

Saturday: Taking the visitors to the Children's Museum. Dinner at P.F. Chang's.

Sunday : Leftovers. Probably in some form or another most of the week!

See more menus HERE!!!