I feel good.

I'm in a real positive mood today. I feel calm and hopeful. My husband's work is going well, my son is thriving and learning. I have been uncertain about the future for a long time. Uncertain about J.'s job, about moving here, possibly moving again, about which side of town to live on and whether or not we were making the right decisions.

I don't know that any one thing is happened or if it is the culmination of many things but suddenly I feel very grown up. I feel like I'm finally making decisions and stepping up to the plate of adulthood. Considering I'm 35, maybe it has been a long time coming. But, we've lived in chaos for so long that it was just so easy to depend on family for help all the time.

When my son was born we ate dinner every single night with my parents who were only a mile or two away. We did that for a year or more. I feel like I never took full responsibility for keeping my family. I miss my family and my Mom a lot but I also feel empowered. My husband and I are raising a pretty wonderful boy. There's no more running to my parents when we have trouble or "need" a break. We have to work through it. We rely on EACH OTHER instead of going to someone else. It's made us realize that we actually can rely on each other. It's especially helped me realize that I have a partner in the parenting business. He's every bit as capable as I am. And he's pretty cute, to boot!

We're building a life and a sense of "home." One of our own making and it feels good.