Do you ever go back and read what you've been writing and think, "Wow, I'm a big cry baby." So, it's just me then? OK.
Really, I'm a very happy person. I'm the optimistic one in our little family. It's just that when I am upset or discouraged, I find that writing it down and talking it out makes me feel so much better. And that's what I do here. As soon as the words hit the "page" I feel better. I'm able to see beyond what I've been feeling.
I know that lately, I've been much more content. I've walked into the house and felt like I was home. We LOVE our new Church and that is HUGE for us. We actually are in the process of becoming members. We haven't been members of a Church in 8 years.
My husband's job is going pretty well. He's expecting to get some good news in the coming week. He looks, at the moment, to be securely employed. How about that?! First time in 8 years for that one, too.
I've been much happier with where I am. Less worried about my poor only child. We've found a few friends and our Church is putting a get-together in the works for all the homeschoolers.
I'll always be sad we were never able to have more children. I'll probably always be a little bitter that no one understood how you can be infertile after being fertile the first time. But, the pain and disappointments are fading. It was nice to spend a summer NOT on medication and not a crazy woman. I've enjoyed not being poked and prodded for a while. And honestly, I enjoy my little family.
It feels good to be making plans for the future. I'm already laying out a garden on paper for next year. We're going BIGGER!
Plans for the holidays are slowly coming together. We'll be busy. We're going to Disney World. Hello! Who can be depressed when you're going to Disney? I love being busy at the holidays. It means we're loved and wanted.
My husband and I actually still love and more importantly LIKE each other. We're still friends, even. My son is a wonderful boy. He's growing up way too fast but at 7, he still asks for the occasional snuggle. I'm good with that!
My life is good. Sure, I'll still get upset, unmotivated, aggravated and frustrated. We all do. It's better that I take it out here than on my family. But, I don't want to look back over this blog and think I was always so unhappy. I'm not.
Our Pastor gave a sermon on Sunday about contentment. Talk about timely. Have you ever sat in a service and thought there must be a spotlight shining on you during the sermon or at any moment the pastor was going to point and say "I mean you!" Anyway, it was a good one. We laughed, we cried, and I actually took notes. One thing stuck with me, he said something to the effect that if you can not be content with what you have right now, RIGHT THIS SECOND, then you will never learn what it means to be content. There was also this whole thing about Happy Meals, kids and growing older and the toys getting bigger. It was hard not to kick my husband and tell him to pay attention. Really. Hard.
And you know what, right this second, I have everything a girl could ever want.
2 days ago
1 comment:
Thank you for your honest post. I too feel so much better after my thoughts are in writing. I have been blogging them as well in hopes they will help someone else. My husband and I were unable to have children biologically and my mom always said that there were many others like us to give us support. She said this because after she had me they were unable to have more children. My brother is nine years younger than me and he's adopted. Now he and his wife cannot have children. So we are wondering if infertility issues are genetic (because of my mom and I).
Since my husband and I were unable to have biological children, we became foster parents. So I can't give you a link to my blog due to confidentiality since we have pictures and info. about the boys there. But I hope to read your blog and encourage you when I can!
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