Bends in the road....

You know how you can be barreling along on a straight stretch of road, you can see the turn ahead of you but it doesn't look too terrible then suddenly you realize it was more sharp than you thought and you squeal your tires just a bit. It's kind of a lovely thing.

Really, if you knew the turn was that sharp, you'd think about it more, slow down, be more cautious. You wouldn't squeal your tires, your little man wouldn't hold his hands-up from his booster and scream like he's on a roller coaster and you wouldn't be laughing at him like a maniac and saying..."don't tell Daddy!!!" Of course, you know he's going to tell on you but you like him to think he's getting one up on you anyway. He's doesn't have a brother or sister. He has to have moments to "tattle" on someone.

Truthfully, if you squealed your tires, you were going to fast on the turn. There was danger there and you didn't see it. But, you're through it now. You are all OK. You won't make the mistake on that turn again. It was lovely at the time, though. That little flip in your tummy and the shared laughter.

I kind of think life can be like that. Can we be too cautious? Forgetting to live, to always being careful not to go too fast, not to make a bad decision. To see the twists and turns ahead and slow down to a crawl, analyze EVERYTHING.

I wonder if this point in our lives, if because of all the struggles we've had and the ones we've seen from the sidelines, if we haven't just picked a safe speed.

My husband and I talk all the time about our deep desire to "chuck it all" and move to the country. Make just enough money to get by. We DREAM about it. It fills our talks, fuels us when life gets crazy. We don't actually do it. We know we probably won't actually do it. Not any time soon. We start talking about the actualities of that kind of life. Being tied down to a piece of land. Not being able to take off or travel much. Finding a way to make a living and putting food on the table could be a real challenge. I'm not sure we're up to that.

When we were out in the middle of no where this weekend, sitting on a porch swing or throwing a line in the water, we were at peace. We were happy. We were free. I think maybe it was an illusion. It was a weekend away. Our troubles were left at home. It wasn't real life. We talked about how we always make the safe choice. He's tired of being an engineer, tired of the politics, the hand holding and working for the bottom line. He wants to own a small market, make sandwiches in the back. Sell live bait. I LOVE that about him.

But when we see that bend in the road, we slow down, think it over, it's a logistical nightmare. We don't have the money to invest in something like that. Maybe when he retires! I sometimes tell him that maybe we need to be more like our Grandparents. We both had coal miners for Grandfathers. I had one that worked his whole life in a hardware store and Montgomery Wards. Do you think those were dream jobs? Do you think they sat around feeling unfulfilled? I seriously doubt it. They were too busy, raising families, putting food on the table and surviving. They didn't have this spoiled sense of entitlement. Boo-hoo, I'm not living my dream. :)

So, maybe living a slower more simple life doesn't have to mean that we chuck it all and move away. Maybe it isn't about WHERE we are. It's about us. Our attitude. I've talked to my Mom about her childhood. They were camping and taking road trips and eating out of the back of the car. Things were simpler. Work was just that, work. It didn't define our Grandfathers. Why let it define us?

We're a small family. We have a lot of freedom. At the end of the day or the week, if we feel like taking off some where, we can do it. Money gets tight but it's there, every two weeks, it's there. So many can't say that. So many struggle. Some people in this world would think we live the life of kings. Instead of trying to change our lives and ourselves into something we're not, perhaps we'd be better off being more grateful about what we have. Using our time and our talents to make this life the BEST we can.

Maybe it isn't the bend in the road that should give us the thrill. Maybe the thrill is really found in the straightaway after the bend. The laughing and speeding back up. Letting our hair fly out the windows and leaving our marks in the road as a warning to the next traveler. Maybe the thrill is showing our son that no matter what the road, or life, throws in our way that we will hold on and handle it together. The butterflies in the stomach will come but we'll laugh our way through it, we'll hold a little tighter, we'll say a prayer and when it is all through, we'll thank God for the journey.