The spirit I intended...

I find that all my talk of throwing off the shackles of the city are not really the spirit of what I intended when I started this.

Something has settled onto my heart today. I find that all my dreams for a farm and land and a fresh start are still there and still strong. However, I also just want a little normal for a while. Without heavy worries of starting over and new jobs. I just want to live the life we have right here and right now.

And I have plans. Plans that include cozying up our home and getting a better handle on our routine. Plans that include giving this place a chance to work on my heart.

I think that sometimes the reasons we are always unhappy lies much deeper in our hearts than what we see. I think we're scared. We get over our heads and think we have to move on. And maybe we will in a few years but right now I'm ready to stop the plotting and planning.

There is joy to be had in a cozy day at home, a simple soup and fresh bread for supper, cookies on Sunday afternoons, a roaring fire, snowmen and hot chocolate, holidays with family, Friday nights playing games and watching movies, slipping off for a weekend and a long-awaited vacation.

Of course, I can work on myself but I can't work on my husband. I hope that he can find peace with working in the city. I think he will. I find my attitude affects his a lot of times. Maybe we can work together.

I think we're looking for freedom more than anything else. And you know what is funny, if we stay here and catch up and get our lives together, we'd have more freedom than we've ever had before. It's something to think about.