Sick of myself...

Yuck. I'm just sick of myself. I'm sick of my worrying and making myself physically ill from the stress. I'm tired of my own whining and carrying on. I'm not being a very good wife or mother or teacher. At this rate we'll be doing school all summer.

I can't seem to concentrate on anything for more than five minutes.

I normally love to cook. Love it. The whole process from planning to clean up. Lately I'm lucky to slap a halfhearted attempt on the table and call it supper.

I love makeup. Lately a little foundation and mascara is all I can handle. Those big black circles under my eyes, they need some cover up.

Let's just not discuss my hair. I might dissolve into a mass of tears and start ripping it out by the roots.

I want to sleep. I'm so sick of the miserable. I want my happy back.

So, I'm going to just fake it until I make it. I'm getting off this chair, fixing my hair, putting on some makeup. I'm cooking some supper for my son and I tonight and we are going to sit at the table.

Small steps.

Until I back to myself. Until this situation rights itself. Until I can embrace all the uncertainty and change. Until I can pretend we're on a grand adventure.

I got to tell ya...I'm pretty sick of me right now.