For the record...

Do you ever go back and read what you've been writing and think, "Wow, I'm a big cry baby." So, it's just me then? OK.

Really, I'm a very happy person. I'm the optimistic one in our little family. It's just that when I am upset or discouraged, I find that writing it down and talking it out makes me feel so much better. And that's what I do here. As soon as the words hit the "page" I feel better. I'm able to see beyond what I've been feeling.

I know that lately, I've been much more content. I've walked into the house and felt like I was home. We LOVE our new Church and that is HUGE for us. We actually are in the process of becoming members. We haven't been members of a Church in 8 years.

My husband's job is going pretty well. He's expecting to get some good news in the coming week. He looks, at the moment, to be securely employed. How about that?! First time in 8 years for that one, too.

I've been much happier with where I am. Less worried about my poor only child. We've found a few friends and our Church is putting a get-together in the works for all the homeschoolers.

I'll always be sad we were never able to have more children. I'll probably always be a little bitter that no one understood how you can be infertile after being fertile the first time. But, the pain and disappointments are fading. It was nice to spend a summer NOT on medication and not a crazy woman. I've enjoyed not being poked and prodded for a while. And honestly, I enjoy my little family.

It feels good to be making plans for the future. I'm already laying out a garden on paper for next year. We're going BIGGER!

Plans for the holidays are slowly coming together. We'll be busy. We're going to Disney World. Hello! Who can be depressed when you're going to Disney? I love being busy at the holidays. It means we're loved and wanted.

My husband and I actually still love and more importantly LIKE each other. We're still friends, even. My son is a wonderful boy. He's growing up way too fast but at 7, he still asks for the occasional snuggle. I'm good with that!

My life is good. Sure, I'll still get upset, unmotivated, aggravated and frustrated. We all do. It's better that I take it out here than on my family. But, I don't want to look back over this blog and think I was always so unhappy. I'm not.

Our Pastor gave a sermon on Sunday about contentment. Talk about timely. Have you ever sat in a service and thought there must be a spotlight shining on you during the sermon or at any moment the pastor was going to point and say "I mean you!" Anyway, it was a good one. We laughed, we cried, and I actually took notes. One thing stuck with me, he said something to the effect that if you can not be content with what you have right now, RIGHT THIS SECOND, then you will never learn what it means to be content. There was also this whole thing about Happy Meals, kids and growing older and the toys getting bigger. It was hard not to kick my husband and tell him to pay attention. Really. Hard.

And you know what, right this second, I have everything a girl could ever want.

Beans and Macaroni

Well, I don't see anyone doing beans on the Souptacular so here we go. We tend to keep it simple around here. My Mom used to make this a lot. It came from my grandmother who was the wife of a Coal Miner with 5 kids to feed. It uses no meat but is very satisfying. It's definitely a budget stretcher!!!!

Ingredients:
1 bag of pinto beans
1 box of macaroni
salt
pepper
water
Other seasonings, whatever you like.

Top with onions and hot sauce if desired and serve with Corn Bread.

Rinse pinto beans. I never soak them and have never had a problem. Cover with water and simmer until beans are tender. Be sure to season well. You can not over salt this. Add macaroni and cook until macaroni is not quite done. You can then let this sit or simmer. The macaroni will soak up some bean juice and be really yummy.

Okay, it doesn't sound like much, but really, it is so good on a cold day and a wonderful budget stretcher! It's better than straight beans because the macaroni gives a nice satisfying bulk to the meal. I've added ham at times and other seasonings but mostly, I like the simple basic version.

I'm just getting into using my crock pot a little more often. Looking forward to some good recipes!

Head over to BooMama for more soup and crockpot ideas.

Those bends in the road again

It says:

"Journey. A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn."

That poster reminds me of roads back home. It's available at AllPosters.com. Could that be any more timely? I think I'll buy it.

The prices we pay...

People say that if you are suffering in this economy you have probably made bad choices. I don't really think so. Sure some people bought McMansions. Too many cars. And some of us, some of us, just tried to hold on to a dream. We had a small little home. Energy efficient. Less than a 1/4 acre lot. Beautiful hardwood floors. No, not those fancy Bruce hardwoods. They were grade B Amish planks. They were full of knots and such. They were lovely. They shined. We lived 38 miles from the city in a small community. We had a Kroger, a Wal-Mart and a Bob Evans.

But, the economy in West Virginia has never been strong unless you are in coal. My husband is a engineer but not the kind that would work for a coal company. Besides we don't really like the coal industry. We've seen how they treat the land and the people. Anyway, money runs tight in WV. We thought that we would do well to move on. His job was making noises about closing and moving out of state. This would have been the third or fourth company to do this to us. So we took a new job and hoped for a new life. And our house wouldn't sell. We ended up with nothing to show for all the love and time and money we put into our home. We left with less than we put in.

Well, anyway, I'm sure we made some bad decisions. I know that we did. But I don't think we or anyone else really deserves to suffer for wanting a piece of the American dream. Everyone tells you, you need to own a home. That's the first thing your supposed to do when you get married. When you can't own it, you are left to feel like a failure. When you rent you are considered second class. People get that "look" when you tell them, we're renting. It makes it very hard to be content. Family talks to you about getting you this or doing that "when you get your own home."

You know what, this IS my home. It's not my dream home. It isn't my cabin in the woods. But, it is home. There's a fire crackling in my hearth. My two menfolk are snuggled on the couch watching a movie and drinking chocolate milk.

I don't want to give up my dreams of that cabin in the woods. I don't. But I want it to be OK to be here. I want to hold on to my dreams. Realizing those dreams is going to take a LONG time. In the mean time, I want this path to be OK. I don't want people to treat me like I'm less because I'm a "renter." Not all of us trash our homes, let the dog pee on the carpet or put holes in the walls. And frankly, the nearly $15,000 a year we pay the landlord kind of negates them renting this house to us as a Christian Service. I mean really, you don't have to act like it is such a burden to rent us your house. You have two rentals, telling me you bought something for "all the rentals" makes me laugh. We don't call you about little things. We don't complain. We've called you one time for something in the 6 months we've been here. Telling me all the burdens you face as a landlord gets on my nerves. Telling me to treat this house as my own in the next breath makes me cringe. And frankly, this is no palace. It's a nearly 40 year old home. I think it has the original paint outside. I can see the wood through the peeling paint. My husband patched the eve so we wouldn't get critters. We could have rented something so much better for less money but we loved the yard and the neighborhood. I wanted a big garden.

However, if eating a little humble pie is what we have to do to make it through the next few years, then I'll do it with a smile. Things could be so much worse for us. I am thankful to have this house. Not thankful enough to kiss up to you all the time and babysit your kid but thankful to have a place we like, an acre of yard, trees, leaves to play in, a cozy stone fireplace, a spacious if outdated kitchen and a covered back porch. I love those things.

It's a small price to pay. I'll be a better person for it. Maybe some day I'll own a rental and will treat the renters like they are, you know, respectable adults.

Menu Plan Monday!

Wow, Monday all ready? Where did my weekend go? My Mom sent us a Paula Deen Smithfield glazed Ham to try out because she wanted to serve one with her Turkey for Thanksgiving. I just want to say...holy cow! Totally worth it! That thing was yummy!!! So, anyway, we have some leftover...like most of it. That will be appearing in my meal plan for the week!

Monday: Ham, potato salad, baked beans and veggies. Homemade rolls in case someone would rather have a ham sandwich.

Tuesday: Potato soup and fresh bread. I just kind of wing it. I'll use ham and cheese in it. I thicken the "broth" from the potatoes with instant mashed potatoes. It makes it creamy and keeps the flavor. I'll use lots of sharp cheddar and top with bacon.

Wednesday: We'll be tired of ham we've been eating since Saturday. Buffalo chicken legs, onion straws, salad.

Thursday: Tacos

Friday: We'll be leaving town to go to WV for the weekend. So, we'll grab something on the road.

Saturday and Sunday: My Mom will feed us. YAY!!!!!


Breakfasts: Oatmeal, eggs in a basket, cereal, pop tarts, waffles

Lunches: Leftovers, PB sandwiches, Noodle soup, mac and cheese

See more HERE!!!

Sleeping issues

My son is 7. He has been waking up 5 or more times a night for the past few weeks. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out what has gotten into him. He wakes up and comes in to get me up. Sometimes to go to the bathroom. Sometimes he just wants a hug. I have talked and talked to him about what is getting him up at night. He just says he doesn't know.

I've been understanding, comforting and sweet. I've gotten angry, hey I'm not at my best at 3:00 in the morning.

I am at a loss at what to do anymore. It's like having newborn in the house. I'm exhausted. I feel like drawing a line and telling him no more. If you get up you will be in big trouble. However, I am worried something is wrong or scaring him or hurting him and I don't want to be a big meanie. But, I want some sleep. He needs some sleep. He can't or won't tell me why he is waking up.

I have a feeling he just has an over active imagination and that his room is too much chaos for him. Too many shadows. I thought maybe I'd start by redoing his room to make it better. Move his bed away from the window in case it is the wind. It's just odd that nothing had bothered him until right now.

All I know is it better be a passing phase. We ALL need some uninterrupted sleep! Soon!

It's all good

I'm cold. My fingers are cold. There are snow flurries in the forecast for Monday and Tuesday of next week. There is a small fire crackling in the hearth. I started it all by myself this morning without even a starter log.

The wind is howling outside but the sun in rising bright in the blue sky. Leaves are swirling all around the yard. They're falling at an alarming rate in the gusty wind. Tomorrow is going to be a bit raw and wet. A great day for something warm from the oven.

We're headed to BouncerTown in a few hours to meet a homeschool buddy. Bouncing, jumping, climbing and lunch. Later, we'll pick Daddy up from the bus, maybe get a quick bite for dinner. We have plans to wander Lowe's. Love that. I want to look at some rugs and have thoughts of redoing Ns room.

I'm sipping a McDonald's coffee. We had to take J. to the bus this morning so we could have the car. We were grumpy and cold so N and I stopped at McDs for breakfast. Pancakes for him and a sausage biscuit for me. The robust aroma of a McDonald's coffee filled the truck making me think of driving in the dark to WV for a visit. It seems there is always coffee involved.

It's all good.

All those ideas

I got caught up reading Menu Plan Monday yesterday. Wow. I really need to get a bit more adventurous in my meal planning. There are some amazing recipes out there. There are families eating things like Chimichangas and Asian dishes I can't pronounce.

We tend to stick with the simple and the tried and true. I love to get creative and cook but I tend to stick with things I know both my husband and my son will eat. I think once a week though I might start trying something new on them!

I realized something else yesterday, though. I was reading all those blogs. Some made me feel good, some didn't. I'm tired of being told what to eat, how to dress, how my house should look and how to raise my son. I'm tired of reading a blog and getting a lecture on how to live. Don't buy this, don't eat that, vote for this person, don't paint this color, decorate with this product, listen to this music etc. I find that if I am not careful, it all starts to make me feel like everything I do is wrong, that my home isn't good enough and my routine is lacking.

I love blogs, though. I love looking into other peoples lives, homeschools, menus and decorating ideas. I just get frustrated when what starts out as a peak into someones life turns into a lecture on how to live. Maybe it is just me. I have a hard enough time being happy with what I have, I don't need to read things that make me feel even worse about my life. That's the beauty of this kind of thing, though. You don't like it? Don't read it.

Menu Plan Monday

Well, finally, a normal week around here. My husband has no business trips, soccer is over and we aren't going anywhere this coming weekend. It's hard to believe! We've been slowly stocking our freezer and pantry and are truly enjoying how that feels.

Monday: Pork Loin Roast with pan gravy, Corn and Wild Rice (Pioneer Woman), Fried apples, green beans. (I actually made the corn and wild rice for a get together we were going to yesterday that got canceled. So, it is mixed up but not baked.) Fresh baked bread

Tuesday: Italian Sausage, peppers and onions in the crock pot and on sandwiches with cheese. Salad

Wednesday: Baked Chicken, Mashed potatoes, mixed veggies, rolls

Thursday: Chicken Pot pie (we like ours with a buttery biscuit crust...yum)

Friday: Smoked Sausage, fried potatoes and some sort of veggie

Saturday: Ham, sweet potatoes, potato salad, corn and lima beans, rolls

Have a great week. See more menus here!

Bends in the road....

You know how you can be barreling along on a straight stretch of road, you can see the turn ahead of you but it doesn't look too terrible then suddenly you realize it was more sharp than you thought and you squeal your tires just a bit. It's kind of a lovely thing.

Really, if you knew the turn was that sharp, you'd think about it more, slow down, be more cautious. You wouldn't squeal your tires, your little man wouldn't hold his hands-up from his booster and scream like he's on a roller coaster and you wouldn't be laughing at him like a maniac and saying..."don't tell Daddy!!!" Of course, you know he's going to tell on you but you like him to think he's getting one up on you anyway. He's doesn't have a brother or sister. He has to have moments to "tattle" on someone.

Truthfully, if you squealed your tires, you were going to fast on the turn. There was danger there and you didn't see it. But, you're through it now. You are all OK. You won't make the mistake on that turn again. It was lovely at the time, though. That little flip in your tummy and the shared laughter.

I kind of think life can be like that. Can we be too cautious? Forgetting to live, to always being careful not to go too fast, not to make a bad decision. To see the twists and turns ahead and slow down to a crawl, analyze EVERYTHING.

I wonder if this point in our lives, if because of all the struggles we've had and the ones we've seen from the sidelines, if we haven't just picked a safe speed.

My husband and I talk all the time about our deep desire to "chuck it all" and move to the country. Make just enough money to get by. We DREAM about it. It fills our talks, fuels us when life gets crazy. We don't actually do it. We know we probably won't actually do it. Not any time soon. We start talking about the actualities of that kind of life. Being tied down to a piece of land. Not being able to take off or travel much. Finding a way to make a living and putting food on the table could be a real challenge. I'm not sure we're up to that.

When we were out in the middle of no where this weekend, sitting on a porch swing or throwing a line in the water, we were at peace. We were happy. We were free. I think maybe it was an illusion. It was a weekend away. Our troubles were left at home. It wasn't real life. We talked about how we always make the safe choice. He's tired of being an engineer, tired of the politics, the hand holding and working for the bottom line. He wants to own a small market, make sandwiches in the back. Sell live bait. I LOVE that about him.

But when we see that bend in the road, we slow down, think it over, it's a logistical nightmare. We don't have the money to invest in something like that. Maybe when he retires! I sometimes tell him that maybe we need to be more like our Grandparents. We both had coal miners for Grandfathers. I had one that worked his whole life in a hardware store and Montgomery Wards. Do you think those were dream jobs? Do you think they sat around feeling unfulfilled? I seriously doubt it. They were too busy, raising families, putting food on the table and surviving. They didn't have this spoiled sense of entitlement. Boo-hoo, I'm not living my dream. :)

So, maybe living a slower more simple life doesn't have to mean that we chuck it all and move away. Maybe it isn't about WHERE we are. It's about us. Our attitude. I've talked to my Mom about her childhood. They were camping and taking road trips and eating out of the back of the car. Things were simpler. Work was just that, work. It didn't define our Grandfathers. Why let it define us?

We're a small family. We have a lot of freedom. At the end of the day or the week, if we feel like taking off some where, we can do it. Money gets tight but it's there, every two weeks, it's there. So many can't say that. So many struggle. Some people in this world would think we live the life of kings. Instead of trying to change our lives and ourselves into something we're not, perhaps we'd be better off being more grateful about what we have. Using our time and our talents to make this life the BEST we can.

Maybe it isn't the bend in the road that should give us the thrill. Maybe the thrill is really found in the straightaway after the bend. The laughing and speeding back up. Letting our hair fly out the windows and leaving our marks in the road as a warning to the next traveler. Maybe the thrill is showing our son that no matter what the road, or life, throws in our way that we will hold on and handle it together. The butterflies in the stomach will come but we'll laugh our way through it, we'll hold a little tighter, we'll say a prayer and when it is all through, we'll thank God for the journey.

Being a Mom

Being a Mom means:

up most of the night with a sick boy
showering to get the (dry) vomit out of my hair at 3 am
washing bedding at 3:15 am
drinking coffee since 4 am
I'm still washing bedding and pillows and pjs
I cloroxed both bathrooms (sorry environmentalists but sometimes only Clorox will do the job)
I just steam-cleaned the carpets and mattresses
AND I just took the last cup of coffee out of the pot

I am SOOOOOOOO going to crash in about 2 hours!

Only child challenges...homeschool

Some days I want to just run down to the local elementary school, enroll my son and demand him life-long friends. Then I come to my senses.

But still, it can be hard. He's an only child. That comes with many perks as well as many challenges. We decided to homeschool originally because we were in such a horrible school district. Let me just say, there were wild dogs roaming the halls. And so they put up a fence...but couldn't finish it. Now, tell me what good that would do? But that wasn't the only reason. We just like being together. We felt like we could do it, we would enjoy it and our family would thrive.

All of that...true. So true. It works for us. Sure, I get frustrated some days. I question myself all the time. I want to do the best, the very best, for my son. He loves his life and his school. But, I know, KNOW that sometimes he is lonely. No, not unsociable or weird. Just a little lonely.

For some reason, this side of town does not have the opportunities for getting together with other homeschoolers that we had when we lived on the OTHER side of town. Of course, we couldn't really afford that side of town so we rented a great place here. It's perfect for us except we didn't realize there were NO children in the neighborhood. None. And try as I might, I can't find homeschoolers to get together. I've thought of going to the North side of town but realistically that won't work. It's a good hour away and we are down to one car.

And all that makes me feel like a failure as a Mom. Am I ruining his life? Is he missing out on something special. He's not unhappy. He loves Church, did well at soccer and bonded with his team. But, they are all in public school and don't really seem to have TIME for us. Always running for brothers and sisters and school activities.

N. doesn't think he's really missing anything. He even told me if I wanted another baby some day I could wait until after he was grown up and I was "done" with him. I thought that was funny. He's not really interested in a brother or sister, thank goodness, since I can't give him one. We try to get together once a week with a new friend of his and he seems to think that is enough. I don't know why I feel like there should be more.

Maybe I just like creating problems for myself. Maybe we should just move back to the other side of town!

Wonderful times...

We had a wonderful weekend full of family, fishing, cooking, eating, laughing and presents. We went to a cabin with my family for my son's birthday. We all really had a wonderful time! There was no phone, we kept the TV off and no Internet.

I have to say it was rather lovely to be "unplugged" for 4 days.

However, it is back to the grind today. I must find homes for all the gifts (my boy is rather spoiled) wash mountains of "fishy" clothes, sheets, towels and blankets. I have wet shoes to dry and a million things to get put away.

I'll see you when my chores are through!

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy

I can't believe you are 7. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of how grown up you are becoming.

Things I love about you:

That your life has a soundtrack. You sing everywhere you go. For everything.
Your unbelievable smile
The sheer joy in your laugh
You still like to snuggle with your Mommy
Your ability to play alone for hours on end
Your amazement at the simple things
Your evil laugh when you win a game
How you worry about everyone
Your big giant heart
That the dog is your "Best Friend"
You still call me Mommy
You hold open the door and say "Ladies First" as I go through
Then slam it in your Daddy's face and laugh
That you help me cook and pretend we're on a cooking show
You hate pink (by the way, you got a pink shirt for your birthday...pretend you like it)

Really there are so many things to love about you. Sometimes I look at you and my heart swells nearly out of my chest. You have truly been a blessing to your Daddy and me. You make our lives so much better just by being in them.


I love you. Happy Birthday Baby.

Happy Memories

From the bottom of the Ferris Wheel.
From the Top of the Ferris Wheel

We got all the Forest Gump questions right!

Chicago from the boat!

A couple weekends ago we took off and went to Chicago. No plan. No map. No destination. It had been years since we did anything like that. N had a soccer game that morning and afterward we were kind of bored and thought we'd like to do something. We just kind of decided to take off to Chicago. We didn't have a lot of time or money to spend there. But we had a wonderful afternoon. We took a boat ride, walked around Navy Pier, rode the Ferris Wheel (thanks to a kindly stranger who had 3 tickets left over and handed them to us), ate dinner at Bubba Gump, answered Forest Gump trivia and just had a wonderful time. We drove home late that night and put our exhausted boy straight bed. It was a very nice day. We intend to go back and hit the museums!

Overwhelmed

I've accomplished NOTHING today. Not a thing. Oh, well, I put the dishes away but only so I could reload the dishwasher.

I just feel kind of overwhelmed. Things are a little out of control. I know that when I'm staring into the future and looking around me at what needs done even now, I feel panic well up. I don't know where to start so I just don't start.

And it's not that there's laundry or dishes or housework. It's the bigger things. It's school for N, financial decisions, career decisions, to paint or not to paint, will we be here long enough to make it worth it, Christmas, vacation , organizing, fixing and so on. There are just so many things that need done. I don't know where to start.

We need to make a sound financial plan. I need to get the house in order. I need to get my household budget in some sort of order, cut things out, take stock, see where we stand. Christmas and vacation are looming on the horizon. Everything needs money thrown at it. And yes, we don't own this house, however, we have permission to paint. The living room aggravates me on a daily basis. I think if I would just suck it up and paint it already, that would be money and time well spent. It's this red over gold faux finish but she left big LINES all through it and it looks wet. Or like bad wallpaper or something. And it is something so little but it impacts me in a big way. I spend a lot of time here. There aren't any curtains at most of the windows. And it's money we don't need to spend but it seems like something so small to make the house feel homey.

Then there's the wondering if we should bother to do anything anyway. Js job is perilously close to the chopping block. Not because of him or anything but his whole division is losing money and he may have come on too late to save it. So I wonder if I should bother with the paint or the curtains. If we are going to be here long enough for it to matter.

And school. I need to sit down and put together a plan for the rest of the year. N and I both agree that we miss our regular routine. And that is my fault. I just keep trying to catch up. I never seem to make it. I envy those people that seem to have it all together. They bake bread and talk about living simply. That don't have stacks of laundry all over the house.

It's more about feeling like I'm not getting it done. About not knowing where things are headed. Wanting to stay right where I am. Wanting TIME to get school together for Nicholas and MONEY to buy a few extra supplies. It's about being lazy and not getting things done because I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.

All I really want is just to settle in. Drink in the Fall. Delight in the crunchy leaves and cozy sweathshirts. Stack wood for winter. Paint the living room because I want it nice in there for Christmas. Take a truckload of stuff to Goodwill. Put up curtains...cute ones. Buy everyone new cozy jammies, crank down the heat and prepare for hibernating. I don't want to worry if I'm going to be loading a Uhaul when it is -4 degrees. Been there/done that. It's not fun. I want to wrap Christmas presents and pack for vacation and enjoy my family.

A lot of people have it a LOT worse than we do. I do understand that. The next two weeks will help us to know what is going on and what is going to happen to us. I just am not a patient person. The best thing for all of us is to go on like nothing is going to change. To put the worry away for now. I know it will creep up for me time and time again. But, if I can just keep it at bay and go on with life as usual, I and my family will be so much better for it!

I think what I need is a good list. A blank notebook and a good list of things I need to do. Everything is so much more manageable with a good list! And if I have to stop mid-stride and start packing boxes or researching new towns, I'll face it when it comes along as I always have. Cry, freak out, the suck it up and do what needs done.

Homeschool, frugality, and Fall

I'm so happy to be getting back into our routine. We don't have a strict schedule but I do like to have a certain rhythm to my days. It makes things so much easier on me and on N. When he knows what to expect, it is always easier.

N. has a birthday this week. He'll be 7 which I can't believe. He's getting so grown up!

I'm feeling inspired by the chill in the air and the soft colors of early Fall that are showing themselves in our trees. The days are still a little warm for my taste but I really love the cool nights and the need for warmth in the morning.

I really want to add a DAILY nature walk to our school routine. We kind of do it haphazardly right now and I think we'd both benefit from the fresh air on a daily basis. Not that we don't get out, just that we don't do it with a purpose. It will be especially nice this time of year to watch the daily changes as the world prepares to go to sleep.

We went to the pumpkin patch over the weekend. I wish it had been cooler but actually it was a beautiful day. We took a hay ride, picked our pumpkins, played some old fashioned games and went through a corn maze. N. had a blast! It really helped me feel in the Fall spirit!

I want to carry that on through school. for the rest of the month before we start looking toward the holidays.

Also, *big sigh* I've realized we really need to tighten our belts and buckle down financially. We have spent far too much money lately. Too much eating out and running around. Sure, it's been fun but we are in a position that building up some savings would really benefit us. I know we've had a really tough year, personally, and to compensate we've spent more than we should. We haven't been careful.

The kicker is the December vacation. We just have to work around that one! I thought if I started getting my ducks in a row that when January rolls around we'll already have a lot of things in practice to help get the ball rolling.

And, my husband is waiting for the computer to work on the bills and budget. Ick. guess I'll let him have it!!

Putting it back together

Everyone has headed home, J. has headed off to work for a very busy and interesting week, N. is still in bed recovering from a busy weekend. I am staring at a mountain of laundry and a cobweb on the light. I just don't even have the gumption to menu plan for the week. We're *gasp* winging it! We have some late nights and errands to run. It will just be easier to grab and go this week. I know, it's terrible. What can I say, I'm just out of steam. Well, except today because I didn't make the turkey I had been thawing out this weekend. We didn't have our nice family dinner. So, I'm making that tonight and we'll probably eat turkey sandwiches this week. I'm just glad I didn't thaw the ham.

I felt like we all made a collective sigh when our visitors left yesterday. It was a busy weekend. Some things went as I expected but I was much more conscience about just relaxing and letting things roll off. I think they had a good time. N. was tired. He's not used to having a 2 1/2 year old dogging his steps all the time. It was cute. Well, except when he barricaded himself in his room and told everyone to go away, he needed ALONE TIME! He's so much like his Dad and I.

We all took it easy yesterday afternoon. We spent the day on the couch watching Football.

So, today finds me with a ton of chores to do to get the house back together. Isn't it funny how you clean and clean for company and then they are here 5 minutes and the place is destroyed? Yeah, I didn't really think it was funny either. But, it was good that that made the effort to come all this way and that we got to visit and spend some time catching up.

If you need me, I'll be folding towels.

You should know...I can be a bit hyper and panicky

Well, that is quite true. I can be hyper and panicky and run around like a maniac. I will wail and moan and stress out. Then, once that is all out there and I've put that energy to good use, I'll calm down and get rational. I don't know, it's the way I roll.

Right now, my carpets are cleaned, sheets freshly laundered, house dusted, rugs washed, son bathed and scrubbed, his room clean and neat, grass cut and turkey thawing. And I feel good. I'm actually kind of excited about the visitors.

I also spent a lot of time just thinking about things. I realize it isn't how they see things that bother me. It's how I FEEL about how they see things. The truth is if my husband, son and myself are happy with what we have and where we are, I should not get so defensive. Those are MY insecurities showing themselves. We're just different. We have different values and lifestyles. Mine isn't anything "less" than theirs. It is just different. And if I am OK with that, they will be, too. If I let my defenses down, it will all be a lot better.

Rather than resent Friday's dinner, I should go back to when I planned it. I was excited and happy to cook a big meal for the whole family. I thought how happy my mother-in-law would be to see us all eating a meal together. And she will be. When the time comes, we'll drink coffee and work in the kitchen together, we'll set at the table well into the evening and talk and eat pie. And it will be good. The talk and the pie! And I will enjoy having help with the dishes and bask in compliments (neither my MIL or SIL are cooks).

My boy is excited! And that is enough to make me smile.

Forgive me for being so crazy about this. My husband came home from work and handed me a whole new bag of worries. Visits with my in-laws will be a pleasure compared to what we may be facing. But, I'll worry about all that on Monday.

Compartmentalizing.

OK, I have an awful lot to do and a lot of things rattling around in my little ole brain. I'm going to park them all here for a bit and get them out of my head so I can have a more productive day!

My in-laws are coming with my sister-in-law and her son. He's a SPIRITED 2 1/2 year old. I have no idea what to put up or how my son is going to react to him breaking any favorite toys.

My in-laws are coming. They think it would take $50,000 just to make our home livable. I'm angry about that. Also, I just realized that most of my nerves come from feeling like I can't measure up. I have no garden tub or $15,000 to spend for professional window treatments. I have $6 curtains up in the classroom. It's MY feelings about those things that are the problem. My house is cozy, comfortable and cute. I am normally very proud of it. They can't make me feel bad if I don't let them. Still, a woman wants to be proud of her home. But, it's my problem.

I just read an article about some candidate in Indiana possibly requiring homeschoolers to take the ISTEP and get curriculum approval and there is always talk or requiring parents to be certified. That really ticks me off. I need to be certified to teach one child? Don't think so. I know it is unlikely to happen. Maybe the testing will pass but probably not the rest. Still, I don't understand why they can't leave us be. We pay taxes and don't ask anything in return. I'm thinking of moving to Texas. Or Alaska. Or Oklahoma. I don't want to fight this fight. I just want to do my thing and love on my family and be left alone. The problem with having NO homeschool requirements is that someone always wants to pass some. At least, even though WV requirements were kind of strict, they were already laid out and everyone felt like it was dealt with. (I have no idea if that last sentence made sense...I'm rushing)

My son is cleaning his room without me asking. He's so excited for his Grandparents to come. And that makes me feel guilty. And angry. Their bringing their other grandson and I know they'll be consumed with him. And that makes me feel bad for my son and angry at myself for not being more open and generous. My Father-in-law makes wooden toys. N. has not gotten on in 2 1/2 years. I'll let you figure that one out. And then I feel bad for remembering stuff like that. UGH!

I'm praying the weekend goes well and quickly. My mother-in-law has told me 5 times not to go to the trouble of making Thanksgiving dinner Friday night. I told my husband that if she doesn't want me to go to the trouble, then I won't. FORGET IT! Can't she just say, that sounds great and leave it at that? However, when I told my husband, he was all disappointed. He was looking forward to the big family dinner. So, I'm taking the turkey out of the freezer but, I'm keeping the ham. We'll have it when their gone. I want to make my husband happy, darn him.

Webster just added "homeschool" to the dictionary as opposed to "home school." FINALLY! Now, when will I stop getting that annoying red line under it?

The economy. Enough said. Just take it out of my brain, thank you.

My husband's meeting with the CEO of the company today. Today is not the day to walk out on your job and decide to chuck it all and move to a mud hut in the mountains, honey. If you could wait until Monday, after your folks are gone, I'd really appreciate it. Maybe you should compartmentalize until Monday, too?

I need a vacation. And a date. And some time alone in a hotel with my husband. This is a family blog. I'll leave it at that.

My rug shampooer is stopped up. I have to go dig out the dog hair. Yuck. I feel better though! It's good to let it all out!