Getting a grip.

Camping after he found out he was sick.

I've been complaining rather bitterly lately. Actually, both my husband and I have. Things just aren't going the way we had hoped. Promises that brought us here have gone unfulfilled. We gave up SO much to come here. It's been wearing us down and making us angry. We came here in good faith, with promises in writing. We came here hoping for a new life.

But, all that really isn't the point. The point is to put it in some perspective for myself. My life is a really good one. My Aunt, who is only a year older than I, is about to lose her husband of 18 years. She got married a week after her high-school graduation. She's officially been married longer than she was NOT married.

Her husband has been fighting cancer for about a year and a half. They have a son who is 9.

The truth is, he is a man leaving behind a wife and son. His wife is physically disabled and has been the breadwinner for the past couple years. And now, she's about to be a widow. We're just waiting for the word to come down the line. He went in the hospital about a week ago. The cancer had spread to his brain and he is in and out of it. There are only a matter of days at this point.

His wife and I grew up almost like sisters. We've drifted apart over our adult years just because we have both had to live our own lives. We have always gotten together as families, though, to go camping during the summer and fall. We've taken vacations together. Our boys like to play together. We have had some pretty good times together. My heart breaks for them right now.

It's been easy to let his disease and how he has handled that disease, be all we remember of him. I've been trying to remind myself and my husband of the man we knew before he got sick. The one we went camping with. The one we picked on and who returned in good measure. Our friend.

They are a family, they had dreams of their own and that is all ending. She will have to learn to be a widow and raise a son on her own. She has NEVER been on her own. She's been disabled since she was 4. Maybe I wouldn't have lived the same life or handled situations the way they have over the years. But, this was their life and they loved it.

They were always savers. They saved all their money for a rainy day. I'd even put them in the "cheap" rather than frugal category (which is something we sometimes had a problem with). And now that is all gone. Gone for medical bills, medications and other things. They wanted to travel this past year. But, then he would be too sick for them to do much. They waited 18 years to have a life and then it was too late. They played by the rules and got burned. All that money they saved was gone in a matter of months and did them NO good.

I'm not saying we shouldn't save our money but at the same time, remember it is just money. Their life savings didn't last 2 months after his insurance dropped them. He's leaving behind a wife, a child and a mountain of debt. $4500 a month of pills put on credit cards. The pharmacy won't give them to you for free. Even with grants and assistance, those pills had to be paid for. The $4500 was their portion.

So, it gives me some perspective. I'm not happy with our situation. I'm nervous about the economy. Irritated at a "friend" that keeps blowing me off and leaving me waiting around the house. I'm missing my family, missing better days. I'm aggravated at myself for not seeing a good thing when we had it. Mostly I'm shocked that my husband gave me the option to try to go back to WV and we both decided we didn't want to go back. Maybe we don't want to stay here, but we don't want to go back there. Talk about shocking. But, that is a topic for another day.

My family is whole though. We're together. We're healthy and happy.

I will not take that for granted.