Happy

I love my life. I may not always like how things turn out around me or where I am or where I think I'm headed. However, my life in general is pretty awesome.

I realized today that I truly enjoy the gentle and quiet rhythm that runs through my days. Up to fix my husband's lunch, maybe some breakfast, have my coffee or tea and some quiet time, start some laundry, clean up some dishes, pick up anything left out over night, N. wakes up, we make pancakes and turkey bacon for Monday morning, spend some time having school, laugh over a silly book, wipe his tears when he's frustrated trying to read, play a game together, have some lunch, do our own thing in the afternoon, spend some time on the couch watching a cooking show and snuggling, cook dinner, play a family game of Wii or watch J. and N. play a game on the Wii, story time, grins and giggles.

Then bedtime and snuggle time with the husband. It's a GOOD life. One I wouldn't trade for anything.

I love that I stay home and the freedom that it gives me. I love that we home school and how it fits our family. And it isn't because there is anything so terrible at public school. It's just that it fits us. I love my son's personality. I love that our days are spent together. I love finding out what truly interests him and exploring those rabbit trails with him.

Sure, there are things that need to change. More time exercising, more time with nature, more time with God. Not necessarily in that order. I could be a better wife. I could be a better mother. And I really need a better hair cut.

I have to make trade-offs in my life to stay home. New clothes are a luxury for me. I don't go out to lunch with "the girls." Actually, being in a new city I don't even have "girls" yet. I don't see many movies at the theater (that's my entire grocery budget for a 2 hours of so-so entertainment). And being a home school Mom adds another layer. Time alone for me usually comes one night a week when I stay up late and send everyone to bed.

But, when you come right down to where the rubber meets the road, I love it. I love tying on an apron and doing some serious work in the kitchen. I love that sometimes before my husband even says hi to me he says, "boy, it smells good in here!" when he walks through the door. So what if I don't have a a few extras.

The sweetness of my life, the contented lives of my husband and son, a home that has life lived IN it, are so worth it.

I'm happy.

Flexible dreams...

My husband and I talked last night about making our dreams more flexible. About maybe staying here, buying this house in the city and just getting on with our life. It is hard to give up a dream but at the same time, I felt this HUGE weight lift off my shoulders. I could see us having a wonderful life right here.

I would love to be settled someplace. Go to the same tree farm 6 years in a row for Christmas. Do Christmas at the zoo every year. Make a trip to Chicago for Christmas shopping. (yes, I'm totally obsessed with Christmas right now, sue me)

I would love to learn the ins and outs of the city here. Go to Fall Festivals, Harvest Days, local restaurants. I want to find a park to camp in, one we love and feel comfortable at, at use it to get away on the weekends. To have a few favorite spots.

There are things in our life that we have sacrificed. Things we continue to sacrifice by living a temporary existence. Little things. Like, hanging a tire swing, buying new towels, making traditions.

What if our dream ends up being a 30 year old house on a one acre lot with lots of trees. I can have a huge garden here. I could plant as many flowers as I could stand. Flexible dreams.

It's a good, honest, simple life we could have here. Maybe we aren't city people. We don't have to sell out. We have a camper and a heart for adventure.

But also, I like some things about the city. Crate and Barrel comes to mind right away. Sure I can't afford anything in there but I like to look. There are museums and book stores, restaurants, a football team, tons of colleges, tiny shops, chain stores, and there's a chance for a life here.

If we could stay where we are and not move around. Stay here indefinitely, we could actually pay off our bills, have money for vacations, buy nice clothes, splurge on something special once in a while. It would be such a relief! We could actually make friends, find a church, get involved.

I'm sad on some level about thinking about giving up the farm life dream. At the same time, my heart is light. Not planning a move or thinking about moving, it would feel so good.

September School/Home Plans

SCHOOL:

We've gotten the school year off to a decent start. We've been doing some review and the Knights Lapbook was a huge hit. We're going to the renaissance fair Labor Day weekend to wrap the whole thing up.

My biggest thing is that I've realized we really need to do some work on our school room. At one time I thought it would be a good idea to put all the legos, Lincoln logs, Tinkertoys, and other building toys into the school room. However, I've realized I was insane. It's a mine field in here.

So, we are doing some rearranging of the rooms. I hope to do that as soon as my parents leave from their visit. I'm also going to paint in here. It's peach and I just can't take the peach any more.

I'm going to add another Lapbook in for September. I'm thinking of one on weather or perhaps space.

We'll take a trip to an apple orchard.

We've built a squirrel feeder to put out. And also have a bird feeder to fill. We need to make homemade suet cakes.

I'm changing our reading program and adding in actual handwriting. We'll continue with math as we have been for the time being. Need to make up the Fall reading list. We are enjoying the Scooby Doo mystery books together. I'm wondering about trying a Hardy Boys book. I don't think he'd go for Nancy Drew!

I'm going to lengthen our school day and also TRY to add more arts and crafts.

We'll continue to keep up our nature journal and watch as the seasons change. We are LOVING our daily nature walks and keeping up with our journal.

HOME:

It's time to take down the pool, put up all the floaties and clean off the deck.

I'm pulling up the garden. It didn't do well but I know it was mostly my fault. I'm done with it. I will put the black fabric down on the herb garden that we pulled up from a previous tenant. It was so overrun with onions. You couldn't kill them. We finally cleared it out and I don't want it growing back. I want that space next year to be usable.

We cut down some hideous shrubs and need to pull out the stumps.

We have some switching around of rooms and furniture. And some painting.

My new oven comes in on Wednesday. (YES!!!!)

It's baking season again! (We'll be having baked oatmeal for breakfasts and fresh baked bread with supper).

I want to make some homemade applesauce from the orchard.

Need to get a couple loads of wood.

Clean the fireplace and tools.

Start washing up the winter bedding and hanging on the line.

Start planning Christmas. Get notebook put together. Start working on Christmas scarves for everyone.

Give the kitchen a good scrubbing and organizing before holiday baking starts. Jamie bought me a big giant shelf for the garage for canned goods and extra appliances that are eating up space in my kitchen. It will be nice to get that all organize.

It sounds like September is going to be a busy month. I like it that way. It makes it easier to be content. I'm looking forward to the cool down this week. Yay!!!!

Home

I miss home today.

I'm not from that part of the state but have driven through there many times. But it really just represents the whole state. I've seen views like that hundreds of times and taken them for granted. When I look out my window I see flat land, houses upon houses, cars and busy roads. No lonely highways here.

But I also see my son's sandbox, a giant Oak Tree, a gentle breeze, grass that needs cut, and my future.

But, I'll always love home.