So, I'm done with the moping...

Anyway, I'm done with the moping. My husband is trying to get out of his trip. If he can't, we'll manage. I don't want him to do anything to hurt his performance at his job. In this economy and after what we've been through economically, I do totally understand.

I always overreact. My in-laws make me nervous so I talk and talk and talk. I'm sure I'm very annoying to them! I'll try to keep my mouth shut a little more this time and we'll get along fine. I love having someone to cook for anyway. Having a trapped audience is even better!

So, N. and I went outside to enjoy the sunshine. He comes to me and tells me there is a "really big thing like a worm crawling toward my sandbox. Here's my shovel."

So, armed with a plastic shovel and thinking..."snake" in the back of my mind I go forth to battle.

It isn't a snake, though. Thank you, God. It's the biggest caterpillar I've ever seen in my life. About 4 inches long and as big around as a Ball Park Hot Dog. And green. And covered in knobby things. Ick! But, I'm a brave mama so we manage to get it in the bug barn and inside to look it up. Near as I can tell it is some kind of silk moth (thank you Internet). After we watched it a while we let it go, away from the sandbox under another tree. Apparently they crawl down the trunk in the Fall to build a cocoon. So, very cool.

Oh, and our resident Hawk left a feather this morning. Also very cool.

So, all in all, pretty nice day for home school. Which, hello, I needed as I'm not very motivated lately. And, Indiana, if you could be a dear and turn the heat down a little, I'd be very grateful. I'm ready for sweatshirts and soft sweaters and wood smoke from the chimney.

Remember those toxic people?

So, you know those toxic people I was going on and on about a Here? Well, they are my husband's family. And you know how I said they were coming to visit? They are.

Here's the thing. My husband, whom I love respect and adore...usually, is going to NOT BE HERE for two days while they are visiting. Oh, and the fun part, we only have one car. AND HE IS TAKING IT TWO STATES AWAY! And, there are too many of us to fit into the one car they are bringing. So, that leaves me sitting here babysitting or it leaves us all stuck in the house for two days while my husband, whom I normally respect love and adore, is eating out at restaurants, and sleeping in a big hotel bed alone watching sports in his underwear.

And you know that warm and fuzzy post about how I'm all blessed to stay home and the quiet rhythm of my days and blah blah bla? Not so much today.

And yes, I'll get over this and I know it isn't my husband's fault. I know deep down he truly tried to get out of it and I know he's dreading the whole thing because his loving wife is a raging lunatic right now. I know, if at all possible he would stay home and help me. That he wouldn't leave me here to be put down and slyly insulted without him for the buffer if he could help it. He knows its going to be ugly. I know it's wrong, but he's the only target I've got right now. And I'm angry at the situation and he's the one between me and them at the moment.

In a day or so I'll calm down. I'll make some plans, a few lists and get myself together. Today I'll just cry and shake. When that is over, I'll feel better. I'm sure I'll be back here all optimistic and full of plans for the days. I can already see a light. Today is just not that day.

Today I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright. And it's such a minor thing, them visiting. It is no life tragedy. They just make me feel so bad about my life and always they question our choices. It leaves me hurt, sad and exhausted. I guess in the end I had always just hoped they'd like me. It's such a little thing, I won't hold onto being frustrated about it for long. At some point I'll pull up my big girl panties and try to make the best of it. But for today, I think I'll wallow. And I need chocolate. And I'm stranded.

Yuck.

Toxic people...

I have a few toxic people in my life. People that can never see the good or the beautiful in any situation. Also, they're family. And, they're coming to visit.

They say things, oh not in a mean way, but in a way that lets you know how they really feel. Last time they were here one of them said, "it would take $50,000 just to make this house livable." OK, now, lest you think this house is a dump or a shack, let me explain. It is a brick ranch probably on the wrong side of 30. It's solid. It has a new electrical system, new furnace and A/C, and a few updates. It was partially updated by the owners before they moved. There are some rooms that could use a little paint and elbow grease. What it doesn't have is a garden tub or a walk in closet or granite counter tops.

To these people, those things should be standard. They would never have wire shelves at the foot of their bed to hold the overflow from the closet. And they are sure to find ways to let you know that. Our clothes are never nice enough. They don't understand why we live on one income and give up so many extras to do it.

They have never ever approved of a single decision we have ever made. Ever. Not when we got engaged, married, pregnant, moved, rented a house, bought a house, took a vacation, homeschooled....nothing. Ever.

When I know their coming to visit. I panic. Last time they were here we took them places and they complained that we were too busy. So, if we just sit around the house this time I suppose they'll be bored.

I'm not sure what I want from them. I guess I just want them to see that our life is OK. It's OK to shop on a budget, not eat out 4 times a week and to do things a little differently. I KNOW they come from humbler beginnings. They struggled to raise a family and lived in a small house. I'm not sure where the venom comes from.

I hope that this visit goes better than the last. I'm not going to plan anything big to do. Maybe if they see that we can just be home and be happy, they'll learn something about our lives. I'm not asking them to change their own life, just to accept and stop putting us down for ours.