The Gambler

So, we had to take a chance on something yesterday. I had to gamble with the roof over our head. See, we had until June 1 to decide to continue in our lease or to NOT continue with the lease. Our landlords raised the rent and we had 60 days to decide if we wanted to stay or to continue in our original lease with the new rent.

Jamie doesn't fly out until this coming Wednesday to finalize things with his new company. We have no idea of the time line of our move. He'll be meeting with a relocation specialist and looking for housing. They'll be discussing moving expenses etc.

We made the decision to go ahead and decline to continue the lease with the rental increase. This allows us to get out of our lease free and clear. The problem is that there are still so many things that could go wrong. Nothing is written in stone with the new job or the relocation. And now we have until July 15th to get our behinds out of this house. It was a gamble. We may be scrambling for a place to live and loading our stuff into storage.

It makes for an interesting dilemma. It makes my stomach hurt. I'm so NOT a gambler.

Home sweet home...

I've moved. A lot. I've learned over the years and the moves that it's important that each place you live, no matter how temporary, feel like home. And that is especially true if you are in a rental.

In order to make a rental feel like home I've learned a few tricks over the years. The first of which, don't be afraid to hang things. Cover those walls with precious pictures, memories, quilts, plates or whatever floats your boat. If you walls are rental white, it will give you color. If not, there is probably paint somewhere you can use to touch up when you move. Spackle is cheap.

If you are allowed to paint...do it. I've painted the living room in every home we've been allowed to paint, yellow. Not bright neon yellow and not pastel yellow. I've used a color called Centennial Yellow from Lowe's until they changed everything. So this last time I had to go out and find something similar.

Don't leave boxes hanging around. If you can't use everything you have, find some storage but don't leave stacks of boxes where you can see them. You'll just feel unfinished and temporary and that stinks.

Unpack enough of what you need. Just because you are in an apartment for 6 months doesn't mean you should live on an air mattress or a mattress on the floor. Go ahead and put the furniture together, put on the pretty sheets, hang curtains, buy a new shower curtain...whatever. Don't live like you are in college just because you aren't going to be there for 20 years. An extra day or two of work will make a world of difference in your temporary home.

Wall stickers and clings can be your best friend. Go ahead and give the kids their princess room or their Transformers room. Clings are inexpensive and can be moved around as much as you want. They leave no trace and can really make a kid feel comfortable.

If you are in a rental long-term, make it yours. All you can do is ask. Ask if you can paint. Hate the bathroom fixtures? Change them out. Hate the brass chandelier, get a new one. Lighting and fixtures are so simple to change. You can keep the old in a box and replace them when you move or offer to leave them. Don't be afraid to leave a place better than when you got there. When we thought we were going to be here for several years, we looked into new kitchen flooring. Yes, we would have taken a total loss on the project. I'll tell you a secret, we made a bunch of upgrades to the home we owned for 3 1/2 years. We still took a total loss on the projects we did. If it is worth it to you, ask.

Settle in. The neighbors may be reluctant to talk to you if you are renting. You are probably just one in a long-line of temporary people living next to them. I'll guarantee that not all the renters have respected the home or the neighborhood. Just face the fact that you are going to have to try harder than you think you should to make friends. If they see you planting flowers, hanging baskets, and keeping the yard nice, they'll warm up a lot quicker.

Those are good places to start and are good reminders to myself. For now, I'm off to enjoy a little of the summer sunshine with my boy. I hope you had a wonderful Memorial Day. Ours was spectacular and filled with friends and family.

That will make any place feel like home.

Cryptic and annoying...

Isn't it funny when there are so many things going on, I have nothing to say about them? We're making some big plans around here, looking at some big changes. Weighing pros and cons. Debating. Worrying. Laughing. The moods range from excited to terrified.

And yet, I've nothing to say about any of it. So, I'll just leave it at this. We'll be leaving Indiana soon. There will be mountains involved. They won't be in West Virginia. There are two distinct and very different possibilities knocking at our door. Blessings both.

It's going to take several weeks to sort everything out and make a decision one way or the other.

As for now, I seem to have brought the plague home from my visit to West Virginia. I'm putting up the good fight but I gave in today. I have done nothing but drink hot tea all day. And now, I'm going to go wait for my husband to get home so I can nap.

Rested, Refreshed and Ready...

I enjoyed my week back home in WV. It was nice to let go of responsibility for a while and to just hang out with family doing nothing special. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to go home for a week.

I didn't get much done. I thought I'd spend a lot of time on the Internet and get some things researched and put together for the next school year. I thought I'd have spent my time planning out the summer. I guess I did to some extent but mostly I just goofed off.

I read 4 books, 5 magazines (cover to cover), took afternoon naps and ate out way too much. I went to Target about a hundred times and Wal-Mart every day or so. My son came home with a truckload of new things. And by truckload I mean...truckload.

And now it is back to life as usual. I feel better. I'm happy to be home. I am thrilled to be reunited with my hubby. I missed him. A LOT. I was able to come home with a better attitude and renewed energy. And now, we are facing some exciting changes in our life. We're scared and excited. But there is hope for a better future and the promise of a big adventure.

I'm not menu planning today. The hubs may be flying across the country this week so I'm keeping things loose. After a week of Chef Boyardee, Kraft Mac and Cheese and Hamburger Helper, he's more than ready for some home cooking. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes on the menu today.

Oh So Pretty...

There is something about warmer weather that makes me feel feminine. I find that when the sun is shining, the sky is blue and the birds are singing I love to put on something pink, paint my toenails, buy makeup and headbands. If I was younger I'd put a pretty bow in my hair and call it a day.

During the Fall and Winter months I'm just all about black and navy and dark browns. I love wool socks and bulky sweaters. This time of year I can't even stand to wear socks. I'm barefoot and happy (and sporting hot pick toenails).

If I had money to burn I'd be out getting highlights in my hair this week. I miss being tan. I liked it back when I could be ignorant of the consequences. There was nothing better than a day in the sun, the smell of cocoa butter, smooth brown skin, a bubblegum pink t-shirt and strawberry lip gloss. *sigh*

As for now, I'm enjoying some sunny weather in WV. My Mom and I have been shopping and eating out. It's been nice to get away from the routine. I'm looking forward to going home and feeling renewed and relaxed. It's good to WANT to go home. Even when home is temporary and in Indiana.

It's not supposed to be this way.

I simply can not stand having my life lived in limbo. I am going crazy. Will we lose the job, won't we? Will we hear from this company or that company today? Should I plan a garden or is it a waste of time and resources?

I can't stand it. The only thing I can think to do is to just live like nothing is changing and life is going on as normal. I still find myself not making long-term plans or committing to things with friends. It is so aggravating.

I know that there are many people in worse situation. Fighting cancer, losing a child or watching a loved one suffer. I know exactly how lucky I am. I am so thankful for what I have. And yet, I can't seem to get past this worry. It is invading all my moments. I can't seem to let it go long enough to enjoy the moment I'm in. Moments that I should be enjoying. Moments that should be filled with joy and laughter. It's my anxiety over our situation and indecision that drives my whole life right now.

Things just were not supposed to be like this. We were going to have more kids, have a real home of our own, have holiday traditions and big family gatherings all the time. This is so far from what I thought we'd be doing. I have gracefully accepted all the changes and disappointments in the past. Some part of me this time is saying "Enough." I've had enough. It's not supposed to be like this.

I need something else to obsess over. That is certain. I'm doing the only thing I can think to do right now and that is to get away from the mess. N. and I are going to my Mom's for a week. I'll still obsess but at least the scenery will be different. And she'll take me out to eat.

Sometimes a girl needs her Mama.

The line between time and money...

Where do you draw the line between your time and your money. We have an acre of yard with about 32 trees. That is a real number, not a guess. My son and I counted them last summer. Some trees are little and some are big. The grass LOVES the shady and damp nature of our yard. We have a push mower. An $88 WalMart special. It's not self-propelled and it has about a 19" mowing deck.

It takes my husband an ENTIRE day to mow the yard and most often he breaks it down into three evenings. That is a lot of time every week to mow the yard.

We finally decided that is TOO much time to mow the yard. We can't even just enjoy our yard from all the mowing. Plus, his work schedule has been incredibly busy while he (desperately) tries to turn things around at work.

So, the weather has warmed up and our gas bill dropped by about $250. I was looking forward to putting that money towards other things for a few months. However, this weekend the husband and I decided we'd pay someone to cut the yard. It's relatively inexpensive per mow but does add up over the month. It will run about $140/month. And actually I think that come August and September when the rain subsides and things slow down he and I together can keep up with the yard.

I thought maybe we should just buy a riding mower. We would really love to do that and then would be able to cancel the service. The problem with buying the mower is it is a one-time large expense. With the lawn people, I get to spread that expense out over the summer. Also, should we end up having to pick up and move across the country, we won't have to make room in the truck for the riding mower.

And yes, I'm home all day and I could cut the yard. However, I have school to do, 3 meals a day to fix, the house and laundry to keep up with as well as various other projects. I kind of feel that the yard is "his" thing. He can't keep up with it right now. I'd rather J. have time on the weekend to mess around with N, take back up playing golf, go for drives, go camping or anything. Not spend the whole weekend cutting grass.

So in this instance I think his time, and our family time, is worth the expense. Especially an expense that I would call a "luxury."

Now I think we should talk about how I'm falling behind in the housework and maybe we could hire that out, too.

Oh, I kid, I kid.

Spring carries hope on the breeze

Happy May Day!

It's a typical Spring Day here in Indiana. It's raining and the temps are just right. I've got the windows open and have been marveling at how GREEN everything is all of the sudden. The big oak in the backyard finally came out and I can't wait to get out there and sit in his shade. I don't know why I think it is a "he." The tree just has that male vibe.

I've been super tired this week but at the same time, not sleeping. It's very frustrating. However, I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a long time. I just feel hopeful and content. Things with my husband's work seem to be going better this week and we are remaining hopeful that things will turn around. He's gotten some good feedback. Nothing else on the new job front though which is worrisome.

I feel a little like I've been focusing too far into the future. I know that we can't "live only for today" but it's OK sometime to just stop worrying and enjoy the moments around us. J and I used to be very good at just living for the moment. We would let the future take care of itself. I'll admit it was a nice way to live even if it was a bit irresponsible. Over the last year and a half though, things have gotten tougher. I've gotten obsessive about worrying over the future. To the point that I've neglected taking care of today.

I think we just need to merge those two philosophies to create a nice balance for ourselves. So that in our world it's OK to take off for a weekend without worrying ourselves to death about it. But not run out and buy a Mustang GT because we're having a bad week. Yes, we did that. It was grand but sadly the two BIG car payments were too expensive and we finally gave her up last June. We miss her. However, we were paying more in car payments than house payments! On one income!

All in all it's shaping up to be a good summer. If the job holds out and none of us gets the swine flu I think we'll be doing OK. Will the worry over the job and moving go away? Nope. I just hope that we both find a way to pack those worries and stresses away often enough to just laugh, have fun, find joy and enjoy being alive.

Isn't that just as important as anything else? Otherwise, what is the point.